A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy back in June. He's married and so am I. We were both in situation where we were only staying for the sake of the children and wanting to give them a stable home. We've only been together physically a couple times in the last 5 months, but we talk at least a few times a week. He makes me happy and he says i do the same for him. I recently decided that in my case, my marriage is doing my children just as much harm as good and am going to file for divorce after the holidays. I didn't say anything to anyone. This other guy just told me today that he can't handle his wife's drug use and lack of concern for herself and the children and that he filed for divorce this past week. He still doesn't know that I've decided to get a divorce. Do you think that he'll start expecting more of me now that his marriage is ending? Should I tell him that I'm planning to get a divorce after the holidays?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): You have been having an affair with another married man. In my mind, there likely were and are multiple lies and deception swirling around this affair. So now he's getting a divorce from his wife and you want to divorce your husband, as well. You want to know if you should tell him. Before you do, think about what you are signing up for because if he's been committing infidelity with you...do you think he will be questioning your faithfulness and integrity, as a potential life partner. And what of him? For some people, there seems to be an element of excitement when an illicit affair is undertaken. But the dynamics can change disasterously, when one or both people disengage from their marriages. How sincere is he about you? On;y you know the answer to that. Then again it could work out and you two could spend a long happy life together. The only way you'll ever find out is...if you tell him of your divorce plans and really, really watch how he reacts. Good luck.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (14 November 2007):
 This is just so cute. Two people who MAKE each other happy. You do understand if it takes someone to make you happy, you're not nearly ready for a relationship. You're using him to fill a void that you're missing. Do you think it's fair to your kids to get a divorce, then jump along with another guy. If so, who's going to pay the years of psychological treatment your kids will be accessing? Of course you were jumping in the sack with another guy while you were married. I have a simple rule to living and taking care of my children. IF I CAN'T SIT THEM DOWN AND TELL THEM THE ACTIVITIES I WAS DOING, THEN I SHOULDN'T BE DOING THEM. Very simple. When you have children and you're trying to raise your kids with good morals, your behavior inside your home and outside needs to mirror.
I'm sure your divorce papers will list "the wife has been in an affair for five months with a person who is married with children also." If not, you're living a lie, and need to change your behavior before you start having a negative affect on your children.
I think if you get together with this guy (prematurely) and you don't work on your behavior first, if you get married again, do it at a JP office, save the money you would have spent on a wedding for your next divorce. Remember when you have kids, personal desires take second seat. I would be extremely disappointed in my ability to take care of my kids, in a morally, stable environment, if I ever took part in the behaviors you're doing. Of course by reading this, you won't take any of this in, it's almost as if you're proud of displaying bad behavior. I really feel sorry for your children.
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