A
female
age
36-40,
*MA
writes:Someone please help....My boyfriend is treating me like dirt but i love him so much. I know I don't deserve this, but i can't seem to leave him.I've been living with my boyfriend for about a year now. At first when we were dating he was a complete asshole, it wasnt till i met someone else that he got his crap into gear. Because of our long history i decided to stay with him, and for a long time our relationship was great, we had so many plans, travelling, building our own home, bought two beautiful huskies together, he even bought me an engagement ring that i wasnt suppose to know about. However we had a huge fight and I moved out for a few months, but we were still seeing each other. 4 days was the most we'd go without speaking to each other. Anyways we sorted things out and i moved back in but things are different. Its like the time i wasnt living with him he'd gone back to his old ways of being a jerk. Hes arrogant, and knows it and basically tells me to accept him for who he is.I feel like Im not a priority, work, gym, football and friends come first. He swears at me when we fight, he speaks to me disrespectfully in front of his friends. He clearly has no respect for me. We're both shift workers and hardly see each other as it is, and when we finally do see each other he goes to gym, comes home eats and sleeps. One time we'd had a fight I came home and wanted to sort things out and he said, ive planned to go to the gym with bob so im going to that. And to me, our relationship should be a priority.He just doesnt seem to care anymore, ive tried to leave a million times and every time i have hes continued to stay in contact making it hard for me to move on and hes always said we're meant to be together and we're not breaking up. Now if i break it off, its like he KNOWS ill be back, it doesnt even phase him anymore. One time i said id leave and i came back and found him having a nap. He always had taken me for granted, and knew id always be around. and this time hes right.I really have had enough but whenever i try to leave, i get so worked up, and come straight back. When we had that huge fight and we broke up, i went through depression. Im scared to leave him to feel that again. i feel like hed probably be fine if we broke up but id be a mess. I do really love him and want things to work, but our relationship is getting worse. I dont even trust him anymore. He tells me that he loves me, but in no way shape or form does he show it.
View related questions:
broke up, move on, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): Well, I heard your story and not about the other partner. It hard to advice or suggest you on basis of your story. The one and only advice I can give you is to go for counselling(you and him). Hope it works for you.
A
female
reader, Shyclau  +, writes (13 December 2010):
I thought I was the only one with the same issues you have.
You are not alone ? I'v been in the same situation for 5 yrs
And I have a 4 yr old boy with him. I been depressed, sad, mad
Anything u can think. In my case it's been harder to leave him
because we have a child together and I did not grow
Up with my father so I don't want the same for my son. There have been
Times that he gets mad and won't even come home and my son sees that. We just got into another fight two days ago he insulted me and I blew up and could not take it anymore. I'm done always being the one to take the blame just to try to make things better. I had it I can't keep letting him step all over me. I'm worth a lot just like you are too. You and every women out there going thru similar situations need to realize that we are valuable and deserve to be treated like queens.
Respect yourself first and you will be respected
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): Hi...I'm in the same boat. I'm with a guy who takes me for granted and disrespects me. I am married to him & older than you but we've only been together a couple of years. I feel like I can't leave. As soon as I'm ready to leave, he's nice to me again...I find it hard to tear myself away. I've left before and he's begged me to come back. It's so hard. Looking at your situation, I think you should leave. You can do better alone. Your dogs are better company. I should do the same.
...............................
A
female
reader, AMA +, writes (24 November 2010):
AMA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your support.Everything you guys are saying is true. To be honest i feel like ive lost who i am, and ive compromised myself to make my partner happy. And your right Jilly, I probably dont love myself, and thats why I am putting up with this crap. Me, 2 years ago would never ever put up with this. Theres more to my story too. When we broke up for the 4 days, there is a question of infidelity. A girl even rang one night and my boyfriend made out that he couldnt understand who she was saying she was and then hung up on her. I said why didnt u let her speak so you could hear what she was saying. And he said he was doing the right thing by me because he knew id get upset and he doesnt care who it is. He said he didnt recognise her voice. Till this day he will always reassure me that he has never done anything wrong by me. But the question is always on my mind.This has made me VERY insecure. I always question who messages him and hes getting sick of it and now at times he abuses my insecurities by saying its none of my business and its no one. I have once physically taken the phone off him to find that it was only a friend messaging but i feel like hes adding to the fire, instead of reassuring me. When we are on good terms and im not acting insecure and crazy, he'll say things like, babe that was jimmy who messaged me just asking about gym.Anyways he's been away for a week for work and comes home tonight. I feel so strange about our relationship. its almost awkward and i dont know how to act. We've been fighting the whole time hes been away. I know its not going to work, i KNOW everything, but for some reason im still here. I guess im waiting for that breaking point where i just cant take it anymore. But at this stage it feels like im almost willing to put up with anything. i feel really ashamed.When we broke up, i really felt soo bad, like life wasnt worth living, and i guess im afraid to feel that again. I really havent been single much in my life. Ive always had relationships after relationships, maybe im dependant on someone now?I am a mess.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): He may never change - but YOU can! If you demonstrate to him you are a puppet, then he will treat you as one, pulling the strings of your life.
Meaning the guy can only take for granted what YOU are allowing him to take for granted. Women can't always blame a guy for being a jerk, or it's his fault, he doesn't do this or do that....
YOU knew what he was like well before you moved in with him " At first when we were dating he was a complete asshole, it wasnt till i met someone else that he got his crap into gear." NOT exactly the reason to move in with anyone. This should have been your bright and shiny, warning light flashing away, keeping you ONLY on a dating basis to see if he reverted to the ways you feel are unacceptable for a LTR. To do that it means you don't move in for at least a couple of years.
Lastly, now think about this " My boyfriend is treating me like dirt but i love him so much. I know I don't deserve this"
But you see, you are bringing into your life what you deserve, as that sentence above says " I have NO control over myself, what I do, who I see, how I allow any one to treat me, I'll just take it in the name of love "
To love properly we have to love ourselves first, treat ourselves with the respect, give ourselves boundaries of what is acceptable to us or not - IF people don't meet those requirements we move on.
Take control, once you do, you will FEEL good about yourself, and attract the same.
Hope things get better for you.
Jilly
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): You have to ask yourself what the future holds for you with him. The answer is probably more of the same. Is that what you want for yourself? You are young and need to get yourself free of this man. Sometimes its better to be alone than with someone who is not right for you. Self worth is key here, don't let yourself be treated like this. You will be happy again once you give yourself a chance by ending a bad relationship and starting again.
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (23 November 2010):
 He's never going to change. You have to change yourself. You have to know and believe that you are strong and deserve better. Sure, you will be sad and depressed for a while after you break up for good, but eventually you will become stronger, happier and better.
Good luck. Don't be afraid of a new and better life. It's out there waiting for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): girl you need to leave him. your not happy and show him you won't come back even if it hurts. if he wont talk to you about it obviously hes a jerk and really doesn't care. if he contacts you, just ignore his calls. if you do that, see how much effort he puts in there than. that will really show you how much he cares. i know you love him and its not easy but its possible. don't let him push you around ,either make him talk or leave. simple as that. otherwise you will end up married and things will be alot worse and you will have a lot of miserable nights when you could spend it with someone else who treats you well and gives you the treatment you deserve.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Some people never change, they change until they're comfortable again and then its back to how it was. It sucks when one of those people is the person you love. You either have to live like this or leave. He's not changing for you.
...............................
|
