A
female
age
36-40,
*appybirthday444
writes:I met a guy online last year and we started talking a lot because we shared things in common and he was planning on moving to my city for graduate school the next year. He is not my usual type but he is a good person and I tried to give him a chance. When he came to visit it became apparent to me that while I enjoyed his company there were some deal breakers. He did not put any effort into his appearance and while he paid for my meals, he left only $1-3 dollars tip, which was maybe 5% of the bill and I know he is not poor. So since then, he is just always contacting me, at least once a day and I feel suffocated. We hang out as friends with other people. He has made it clear to me that he likes me as more than friends but I have told him that I only like him as a friend, which he said was fine. I still get the feeling that he likes me though and I am tired by all the constant contacting. I don't even talk to my best friends this often and I have no attraction to him. To top it off, he often brings up controversial subjects and we rarely agree and I don't like all the debating. What should I do in this situation? The more he tries to contact me the more I just do not want to even be his friend. But I feel like a jerk telling someone that I don't want to be their friend.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Better to be a jerk than a doormat. The next time he calls, be perfectly clear that he calls too much and he needs to back off. When he starts on his controversy kick, tell him in straight terms that you aren't interested in debating. Some people just don't get hints and you have to be completely straightforward with them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): we change, we grow, we develop other interests, and our direction can change. We all like to keep friends in our life when we feel comfortable, are on the same wavelength and enjoy our time together.
But it is not possible to keep all your friends ever made all the time all your life. Firstly for the reasons above, and secondly because it is ok to 'fall out of being friends' with someone.
Tell him directly that your direction in life, your outlook etc are not on the same page as him. Thus you are ending the friendship. Nothing to feel bad nor guilty about. This friendship has run it's course, end of story. Then 'block hin'
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Its hard but I'd just say what you said. He has to cool it because you don't talk to any of your friends that much.
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