A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Until 2 months ago I was dating a man for 1 1/2 years. Suddenly he disappeared on me without warning. He no longer called, wouldn't answer my calls etc, and I haven't spoken to him since then. I thought we were very close - we talked marriage - so this has been devastating to me. Next weekend I'm going to a party and I'm sure some of the people there will be people he works with. I don't know what he told them about our breakup. If they ask me, what, if anything, should I say? How should I act? Along with my sadness I feel a lot of intense anger over his lack of respect toward me in the end. His actions were demeaning and cruel. Do I express this to them, or do I act like I don't care? Anything I say to them will probably be repeated to him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (26 November 2008):
 I wouldn't say anything abusive about him. If anyone asks you could simply say "Bob and I are no longer dating." If they pursue more then "I'm not really sure, aren't the chicken wings spicy?" You're there to have a good time, not to ponder the mystery of Bob's leaving. I agree he was cruel and he did not have the proper respect for you but try hard to realize, it's not you, it's all on him so try to hold your head up high.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 November 2008):
 I think I would roll my eyes if anyone asked me about him and say something like, "Dave? I have no earthly idea what happened to him, and frankly, the way he behaved toward me, I have nothing more to say about him. He has lost my respect." Then leave it. If they press for details, shake your head and say something like "I've wasted enough time on Dave. I really have nothing else to say."
They can fill in their own blanks, you haven't told them any details about how much he's hurt you and you've suggested that he's not deserving of respect. If that gets repeated to him, you won't sound devastated, you'll sound contemptuous of his appalling treatment of you, and that you've moved on.
I expect no one will ask though, as he won't want to answer any questions about you so he'll have kept his mouth shut. At least I hope he has enough sense not to make himself look like such a cruel person.
Good luck at the party and for heaven's sake, don't let him ruin a nice evening, even in absentia.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Is he o.k. do you know? If he is, then I wonder what happened. One day you were having a great time and then he just vanished? Do you know where he lives? In this case I would just go to his house check on him, if he is o.k.2.5 years that's a pretty long time for him just to vanish like that.Were you guys having an argument the last day?I keep asking these question, because it sounds very unnusual in your age group just to disapear like that without any explanation.I wouldn't hide my thoughts at the party. Be polite about it, trt not to bitch about him, but answer questions honestly. Good, if he finds out. If this is the case that he just dissapeared he should know it's not o.k. to act like that toward a woman that he was seeing for 2.5 years. At least you deserved an explanation.
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