A
female
age
41-50,
*utterflyfly
writes:Hello, my long term boyfriend who sometimes has given me lots and lots of stress has finally confessed to me that he finds it hard to deal witht he fact that I was dating others before I dated him, and he is afraid I will one day leave him. He says he doesn't know how to solve this. Is that just an excuse to dump me or is that a real concern of his? I noticed on this site some men shared being hurt when confused when they had found our their wife/beloved partner had had a past with other people even BEFORE they started their relationship. What does that mean?....I met my bf 5 years ago.. he was behaving like an idiot at the beginning (alcohol/stressed) and I decided to cut all ties and dated others. Eventually we came back together. HE now admitted he felt betrayed I dated others... even though we weren't seeing each other during that time.. He still feels betrayed because he always had feelings for me... This means our relationship dymamic has always been me trying to prove my worth to him, only that until now I didn't know I was doing that.. I was just feeling stressed cos of this guy and not understanding what he was on about.. I feel sad he confessed this now after all this time.. is this a valid reason for him, do men really feel like that? afraid of being abandoned? How can I solve this? I have been as reassuring as a human being can possibly be during last year.. it's really draining and tiring me down.. can I ever win in this?
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female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (26 November 2008):
Butterflyfly is verified as being by the original poster of the question Fade878 your comment is very insighful and thank you for it. You are right about the anger management. Many a times I experienced it. He now plays ball (I showed himt he link to this question) and told me he intends to sit down together and have a chat and try to talk this out and solve things together. First time ever he is so cooperative,however, these are just promisesHe might just as well change his mind. Oh we shall see.
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (26 November 2008):
Butterflyfly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes.. I could see straight away that I am fighting ghosts.. I suggested counselling as well. I hope he will do it.
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