A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in relationship for nearly four years now but have only earlier this year met my boyfriend's mother and family and have been to quite a few family gatherings now and seem to be well accepted. We went to a family party this weekend and it is his mothers birthday next weekend but we won't be able to visit because of the distance. He is working abroad during the week and I knew that he wouldn't get round to getting his mother a present so I went shopping and got her a few nice things and wrapped them up to take with us. I thought I should leave him to get the card. When we were leaving to come back home he filled out the card but didn't put my name on it and presented his mother with the gifts. I was rather hurt and embarrassed that he hadn't included my name on the card as I felt his mother would think I was mean, and I would have got something for her separately had I know he was not going to include me but as we have been visiting as a couple and been together a long time thought it appropriate we bought something together.Am I being over sensitive and is this just something a man would do. By the way he didn't offer to pay or even ask how much I had spent on the gifts.I didn't say anything at the time as we had had a good weekend up until then and I didn't want to spoil things but it is on my mind.He is off abroad this week again and I don't know whether to bring the subject up next weekend when he is back and ask him if his mother liked the gifts 'I had purchased' and should I ask him to pay for them. (The cost is not really the issue but the fact that he didn't indicate that I had contributed to the gifts makes feel that he should now pay for them)Thank you for your advice.Molly Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): think the only way you can decide is to test him in a way or just look out for another situation and see what happens. Its easy to make excuses for men the 'oh silly old men' routine but hang on.... then where does it stop? Men are not all like this I'm afraid. The biggest thing is whether or not you want to be in a relationship like this. Is it what you want from life? If he can't grow up I would question it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies which have been very helpful. Maybe the fact that there is quite an age difference could be part of the issue (he is 15 years younger than me 41)and he has never been married, or maybe I am just making excuses for him.M x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): He is just stupid is all....and he doesn't seem to make you official as a couple to his mother, maybe he is a little scared of his mom.
I would ask to be reimbursed for the gifts, just say something like, well I guess I misunderstood when I purchased gifts for the both of us, that really they were to be from you...the cost of the gifts was x and I would appreciate you paying for them.....hope you appreciate the fact that I took the time to purchase them, did your mother like the gifts?
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