A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been engaged to my fiance for 2-3 years and we have a 1 year old son together. After I had our son in 07, a few months later, I found out he had another kid that was 11 years old at the time.I still want know why he hasn't told me anything about it til after I had our son, because he would never want me to see any of his paystubs. Until i stumbled over his paystub and found out that he was paying for child support and really got me to investigate what was really going on and not say anything about it til I have actual proof. So when I told him about what I have found out, he twisted the whole story and made me look like a fool, he was trying so hard to manipulate his story and didn't buy it for nothing. He finally told me the truth and said that he didn't want to tell me about it because our relationship went so well and I was pregnant at the time that he didn't want to lose me. What should I do, let it go and move forward or let it go as well as letting him go too?
View related questions:
engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): So - he lied by omission. That is really bad. Part of me thinks well maybe he didn't feel good enough or thought it would change your view of him but the point is that YOU should have been given the right to make your own mind up about him or his situation on the basis of FACTS and he took that chance away from you. Now of course you will not know what to believe from him and where the truth starts and stops. He has damaged your trust. Not only this you, your family and friends have also got to suddenly accomodate this new information and the lie that went with it. When someone is manipulative it is to save their own skin. You need to work out whether you actually want to be with someone who is prepared to put their own feelings before yours over matters of great importance.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 December 2008):
 This is entirely up to you. He should have told you the truth when you first started dating. If this is a deal breaker for you then walk away. However you now have a son to think about as well. I think if I were you I'd tell him you only want the truth, the whole truth, from this moment on. If he lies to you again then he has to go.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): ask yourself what kind of man is he to hide his own flesh and blood ?
do you want that farther for your kid......
if you were so unaware of this child he obvilously never sees it what type of farther is this.
My dad was similar he hid an older child from my mother and only told her when i was born. I am so so so glad my mother kicked him out there and then,
ive always had
my
grandad and uncle in my life and then as i got older my stepdad ive missed out on nothing, i can honestly say at 20 that i was better off without him and i have missed out on nothing.
Just ask yourself what happens if he repeats his behaviour and he leaves and hides you and your child.
Whats the worst that can happen? if he's the type of man you need to keep away from your child he will leave without a fight just like he left the other kid.
If he does love you and will not leave without a fight he has to rebuild your trust and entire relationship
he also needs to stop being such a coward and see the other child before they grow up entirely and its too late
...............................
|
