A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok here's what happened. I was making out with my guy friend who really likes me I like him too but he is kinda a ladys man so I don't want to be in a relationship with him cause I think it would just end bad I told him i'd rather just be friends and he agreed. So anyways to get to the making out, We were watching a movie at my place and we ended up kissing I was screaming in my head no no this is not good ! Then he started to unhook my bra and I told him to stop but he told me to relax and then he started to pull down my pants. I told him to stop but he keept pulling them off saying nothing was going to happen he just wanted to look at me then he pulled my pants and undeware off. Then he started undoing his pants and I freaked out I sat up and said stop ! He ignored me agian saying nothing was going to happen but he took off his pants and layed ontop me and I started to cry. When he relized this he look at me and said i'm sorry and huged me then put his clothes back on. Anyways he left soon after he said sorry like 100 times. That was a week ago and he has not comeover since but he calls me and acts like nothing has happened. He calls and wants to hang out and I tell him I don't feel good or make up something. What should I do i'm confused ? I'm afriad that if I see him agian maybe he will do that agian or worse go all the way. I don't know what to call what he did to me cause he didn't rape me but it sort of feels that way to me i feel dirty. What should I do ignore him forever? Or tell someone ? and who? can he get in trouble for this I feel that it was my fault a little cause I was kissing him too. I don't know what to do he says he is sorry but i don't know. Any advice would help thanks for reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): You cannot feel guilty or take the blame because you returned a kiss, you can make out with a guy any time you want without having him take off your clothes and take off his clothes and get on top of you.
No means no and he should have stopped right then.
Now that I say this though, you do have to be smarter about the signals that you are sending to a guy because when he is horny he could very well think that you are just playing hard to get.
If you want to be this guys friend and you made a good judgement about him being untrustworthy, then you should not be alone with him watching a movie over at your place alone in the dark.
You invited him to your house and you made out with him. That is sexual behavior and it is sexual intent to have a guy over at night alone in your house watching a movie all snuggled up.
You did not set your boundaries with him firmly and he got confused...but he was not confused when you firmly told him no and he kept undresssing you.
He caught himself and he said he was sorry, so let it go at that and own your part in this.
I would never and I mean never be alone with him again. He isn't friend material and you aren't willing to set the friends only and I mean friends with NO benefits boundary with him so it's a no go. Don't see him or talk to him any more. Ask him to leave you alone for good and say it firmly....do not leave an open door or he may try it again.
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (1 April 2010):
Guys a creep, avoid him. He's likely to do this to others as well.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Sorry you have been traumatized by this but you need to get more assertive if you find yourself in a situation like this, even if it means taking physical action like a slap in the face.
A guy just blocked a doorway and cornered me once making his intentions pretty clear, and he copped a few paint cans to the head for his trouble.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): thanks for the advice sorry if I posted this question 2 times I forgot the code and had to do it agian. Anyway yeah i'm still confused about what went wrong but I think its best to stay away from him. thanks agian
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): If he did this to you then he will do it to another girl. And then another, and another. Not all of them will be assertive enough to make him stop when you did.
Speak up. Don't let this story go un-told. It was a sexual assault.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 If you told him to stop and he did not ,then you should give him a tight slap on his face.
He can't take no for an answer and giving that slap will make him realize that you meant business.
Just ignore him and keep that secret to yourself. Exposing it would not serve any purpose.
You can report him for molestation , sexual assault or attempted rape but it can be a hassle going through the courts.
Be more assertive next time or you would find yourself in a similar situation in the future..
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A
female
reader, RainStorm  +, writes (1 April 2010):
Kissing does NOT mean sex at all. It's NOT your fault at all! Do tell your parents and report him, it will happen again for sure and most likely all the way too. Don't see him again!!
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