A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight, and in the end I decided to break it off with him because it was getting nowhere. Last year on my birthday, my bf didn't get me anything or take me out to eat anywhere. It was literally NOTHING. But I just let it pass because I didn't want to seem selfish or materialistic. But yesterday was Valentine's Day and he didn't get me anything AGAIN. But it's complicated. Valentine's Day is his birthday, and I didn't want to ask for something when it was HIS birthday (in which I spent 300 on him) so I told him not to get me anything. Valentine's Day comes, and he actually didn't get me anything. I was a little upset because i just felt like he never puts in effort for me when I try so hard to make him happy on special days. But he said it was my fault because I said I didn't want anything so it's my fault for not conveying how I really felt. Is he right...? Or is it ok for me to expect stuff from him to show he cares. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2018): I don't think wanting something for your birthday or Valentine's Day is materialistic at all. It's okay for you to expect something from someone that "loves" you, even if it doesn't cost any money. He could've written you a card, he could've taken a walk with you in a park as a surprise. And I don't think you spent a lot of money on him because you wanted the same, I think your just naturally generous in spending for other people. Just because you spent more doesn't mean you raised your expectation for what he has to get you right? That's why I think you did the right thing. Him not being able to do ANYTHING for you just shows where he's at in his feelings towards you.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 If you have broken up with him now then why does this matter?
A tip for the future though, men are not mind readers, you told him you did not want anything and not to buy you anything! He done as you asked and you got upset! You getting upset on his birthday probably ruined it for him. I think it is best you are both broken up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2018):
 I'm, with Auntie Bim Bim... $300 at your age for a gift to the BF is nuts.
Secondly, HAVE a set amount for birthdays and holidays. TALK to your BF about it. Set an amount you can BOTH afford (not your parents, YOU)
You giving him a $300 gift doesn't mean YOU love him more than HE loves you.
I think I would have felt UTTERLY uncomfortable if a BF (at your age) had given me a $300 gift. Even if I COULD have afforded the same back (as I was working) I think it's WAY too much for a present to a BF/GF.
And I think it's unrealistic to expect that your BF knows how much you spend and that he automatically will spend the same on you. No one should feel that they are indebted to someone else. HENCE set a limit you can BOTH afford.
Learn from this, OP
You can't buy love. And don't think the amount equals the love and care for someone else. Set an amount you can both afford. A reasonable amount.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (16 February 2018):
I'm not a big fan of days when we are supposed to give gifts...it seems that Christmas and Valentine's Day have been hijacked by Hallmark Cards and other companies who stand to profit from making one feel obligated to buy presents. Still, it is right to honor those days as well as a person's birthday, whether the day is celebrated with a store-bought gift or a home-made gift such as a cooked meal, a massage or whatever. Some sort of recognition is expected and your boyfriend (ex?) definitely needs to have more sensitivity in regard to these days. While you told him not to get you anything for Valentine's Day, he should have stepped up and shown his appreciation for you with something.
While he is still young and may not yet understand the necessity of celebrating these days, he has taken you for granted. By itself, I question whether the situation merits a break-up, especially since you did tell him not to get you anything (not a brilliant move on your part as you were actually expecting something). But you have to ask yourself whether how this would play into being married to someone like this.
Would your resentment be less if you had bought him something for $10 rather than the extravagant sum of $300? Personally, I would have given him as much as he gave you on your birthday...nothing.
In any case, he has poor manners and is taking you for granted. So you did the right thing by splitting up.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 How does a teenager in the US earn enough money to be able to spend that amount on a birthday present??
But never mind, you told him not to get you anything, so he didn't, he doesn't have a crystal ball, how was he supposed to know you didn't mean what you said ...
Teenage boys can be a bit oblivious, you need to TELL them what is required, when your birthday comes around this year, a few weeks prior remind him, tell him "its my birthday is 2 weeks, are you planning to do anything for it"
If he still doesn't acknowledge it then, while I DON"T believe its all about the presents or money spent, I would reconsider the relationship if he fails to follow through. Take it as a peek into the future, if he cant acknowledge a birthday now, he probably wont in five or ten or even 25 years time.
In the meantime learn to say what you mean.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (16 February 2018):
 Spending $300 on someone at your age is stupid. I'm sorry; I know you meant well, but it's a waste. It's incredibly rare for relationships at your age to last, so you're throwing money away that should be used for your FUTURE. University isn't cheap. Housing isn't cheap. Adult life isn't cheap. Don't spend $300 on people - those who really care about you would refuse such expensive gifts or activities.That said, nobody can read minds, so not saying anything will lead to them thinking you're not fussed. People your age, particularly boys, are often selfish and/or forgetful, so they don't realise you want something unless you tell them.Out of curiosity, how do you have $300 to throw away on a birthday present?I know this may seem harsh, but I think you need a bit of a reality check, OP, before you waste more money on people.
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