A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently admitted to me that he has had a threesome in the past. I questioned him some about it, and he had went into some detail and even said that at the end the both of them "sucked him off and shared his load." I felt completely disrespected that he had told me that.I was completely freaked out and pretty much disgusted. He seemed really embarrassed and somewhat remorseful that he had told me that. He doesn't think that I should hold it against him because it was nine years ago. He also told me that he wouldn't even want me to do that kind of thing.I've spent the last couple days with that disturbing image in my head and I'm not exactly sure that I will be able to look at him the same. I'm crushed. We have a pretty serious relationship and are planning on moving in together later this year. Other than this we haven't had any problems.How can I move on and get over this? I'm not sure if I will be able to look at him the same. I also don't think it's fair to hold the past against him. Any advice?
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crush, move on, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Thank you so much for your advice. He is 25. He told me he wanted to take a break last night over this argument. I'm not sure if we are going to work this out but I did try to reconcile.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012):
Hi. I'm wondering what age is your bf?
As a female it will be hard to get this image out your head.. But you must remember its in his past and unless he's hinting at a threesome with you and another girl I would let it go..
I think it wasn't in your best interest for him to give you the specifics as now your head full of it ...
At least this gives you opportunity to tell him that you would not be interested in this kind of thing.. And let him reassure you .. He isn't either.
Take a deep breath and have the convo it will make you feel so much better
Happy holidays
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Finding out something like that is not helpful because the primitive part of your brain that deals with raw emotions cant distinguish between now and then, so it will feel as if he has just done this! Hence the distress. You have to keep reminding yourself it happened a long time ago and is of no importance now. Not everyone is into threesomes and if they are something you find morally wrong, that is another issue altogether. It sounds as if they are something your partner feels embarrassed about now, so just let him know you are having a moral problem digesting the information and you find them unacceptable and never want to be involved in anything of that nature. That will head him off at the pass, should he ever want to try and involve you in a threesome. I only mention that because some partners find themselves being pressured into threesomes sometimes. So make your position clear on that and then try to accept that it is his past, he is not having them now and try not to let it affect your future together.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012):
Your BF owes you no apology. He didn't commit any wrong against you.
But you don't have to find his past actions very attractive either. If it bothers you this much then just break up with him. There is nothing unfair or wrong about making a choice based on this.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 You are right it is not fair to hold the past against him. Why should you feel disrespected by something he has done in his past? Everyone has a past even you.
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