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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello All,I have a problem about an ex-boyfriend/lover who I totally loved, but who ended up being a total b*stard to me... I have posted a problem about him before (when I was trying to get over him), but now I have a new dilemma, and would appreciate all advice. Apologies for the long question, but I do need to explain the background, and would appreciate anyone who will take the time out to read and let me know what he/she thinks.......He was my neighbour - lived in the flat upstairs to mine. From the time he moved in, he spent a large bulk of his time flirting with me / getting to know me. Whilst I was attracted to him, I was reluctant to let anything happen, as he was my neighbour. (We live in the same house, which is split into 2 flats - he on the upstairs, me downstairs).Anyway, we became great friends, and I realised I was falling in love with him, and I think he was pretty smitten with me. He went away to see his family for Xmas (last year, but instead of returning to UK, he fell very ill. Extremely ill. He was diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic, and was on a drip for a month, hospitalised. Doctors told him he was lucky they found out his illness in time, as he would have died.Naturally, this was a great shock for him (and I), as he is only 27 years old, and looks in the peak of fitness. As he was now very ill, he decided to stay in his home country (Czech Republic) until doctors could sign off his health as manageable. Plus his family went delirious with worry for him, and have applied pressure for him to stay with them.Anyway, his life dramatically changed, as, from that day, he has to inject himself 4 times a day with insulin, and follow a strict diet for life.He returned for a few days to the flat in London - getting things together, and came to see me. When I heard of his illness, and how he nearly died, that's when I realised how much I had fallen in love with him. I was so sorry for him. Those few days he was in London, he spent mainly with me. Whilst he was still ill, but recovered enough to not be hospitalised, he opened his heart to me about how worried he was. I did everything I could to support him / give him advice, as I have studied medicine, so am aware of the condition. We got closer in those 4 days he was here, and we ended up getting it together.When he left to return to Czech, he told me that he wanted to come back and stay in UK, and definitely wanted to see me again.To cut a long story short, we had a wonderful but short-lived relationship, lasting about 3 months - him visiting UK every month thereafter, plus we were just friends for 3 months before getting together. We spoke twice a week, and he would be so loving to me always. He was as smitten as I.His cousin now rented the flat upstairs, as he was temporarily abroad with his family, building up his health again.After about 3 months (and I was totally in love with him) - I heard nothing more from him. He came and spent a lovely weekend with me, but then never called me again. And he never answered any of my calls again.A month later, I was in complete shock when I bumped into him in my house!! (the shared corridor!!) He had come back to visit UK, stayed with his cousin upstairs, but stayed clear of me!! He didn't even have the guts to knock on me and say hello. He didn't have the guts to end it with me. When I tried to speak to him, he just answered one-word answers, and clearly didn't want to speak with me. It was like I was a stranger. How awful. I felt sick. That was in May of this year.Anyway, since then, I never spoke to him again. I decided to have some pride and move on. I was shocked by the way he'd treated me, especially as I was a very kind friend and girlfriend to him.We don't speak anymore, for this obvious reason.However, yesterday, I bumped into his cousin (who is still living upstairs, and who has become like a family friend to me), and he'd informed me that my ex was supposed to be visiting him that weekend (helping him move out), but he'd had an accident. He'd collapsed outside the house in Czech, bashed his head on the concrete, and was found by his family convulsing on the concrete. He is now in hospital and could have died. He escaped with a broken nose and several cuts to the face and hands.I was upset to hear this. As much as I hated him for what he did to me, I would never wish that on anyone. I couldn't help but cry for him. I guess I must still have feelings for him.On hearing this, I had an instant desire to pick up the phone and speak to him / see if he was ok. I just felt that life is too short, and I would hate it if something happened to him and he died, and he and I were still enemies.But something stopped me from calling him - my fear of looking like an idiot. He was a total B'std to me (apologies for language, but don't know how else to describe it), but yet I still care.So, my question is - do I pick up the phone and call him - tell him I've forgiven him about everything and just hope that he has a happy life........or do I do nothing and move on with my own life?Thanks All.XXX
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): Dear Guardian 87,
Thanks for the reply - I'm the original poster of this problem.
I've not called him yet. Still debating. I know he doesn't care for me anymore - I mean, he just decided to cut me off. He can be quite harsh when he wants to - probably has issues around dealing with emotions.
But, of course I do still care for him - although he was so terrible to me. The worst treatment I have had from any man!!
I've had another male friend tell me not to call him now, as he may not appreciate it - he may be feeling so vulnerable about his health etc, that he may not need a reminder of how horrible he was to me, or anything to do with our relationship. I know he is recovering now, but the fact is, with his condition, if he forgets to eat at a certain time, or take his medication, he could easily just collapse and next time not be so lucky. Thankfully he is alive and hopefully will learn more about how he needs to take care of himself, in order to have a good life.
I guess I have to decide whether I have the strength to call him.
Any more views out there?
Thanks so much XXX
A
male
reader, guardian87  +, writes (10 September 2006):
 DEFINATELY CALL HIM AND SEE IF HE'S OKAY!!!
Listen, you may or may not have "those" feelings for him anymore, but atleast u wish u two were still friends, right?
I wouldnt phrase it as "i forgive you", cuz that usually ends up in fights and an even worse scenario.
Just call him and ask to see if he's okay. If he seems like he doesnt want to talk to you, then fine. Atleast you cleared your head and showed him that you still care for him, like a good friend/ex-neighbor would.
But if you don't call him, then how are you ever going to know if he still likes you or if he's doing okay??? Obviously, you could talk to his cousin, but thats never good. its always better to do things yourself than to lay them onto somebody else's "To Do List".
Best of luck to you! Stay strong!!! And please tell me if he's okay! It's never good to have a death, even if it's someone i dont know :P.
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