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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I’ve got myself into a bit of a state at the moment and wondered if you could help me! I would usually speak to my mom who I am very close to but at the moment I am finding it very difficult to do so. The problem is I am with a lad who is currently in the RAF and leaves far away, which has never been a problem up until now, I have been with him for 1 year and we were doing fine until he became very possessive. one night I was out with my friend and he told me that he wanted to see me. so I told him it was a girls night and he didn’t like it and finished with me! I was so gutted and he came and picked me up and we chatted and he said he was selfish and just wanted to see me. meanwhile I had rung my mom in tears totally hysterical because of what he had done, and she told me he wasn’t worth it and to come straight home. the next morning I went up to his house to talk after having a blazing row with my parents, and told him to explain himself! my mom told me if I was going to let him ruin my life it was up to me and that’s all I’m worth!! he didn’t really say much apart from the usual 'I love you and want you and want to be with you!' this didn’t answer any of my questions so I asked him again! he said that my mom gets to involved and I let her run my life! I did understand and see his point and he took me out and we had a nice night. I came home to my mom telling me I had taken his side and I have been lying to her and I am a door mat for letting him treat me like this!! I had a heart to heart with my mom and told her I wanted changes!! I also told me boyfriend this and he seemed to understand. just over 2 weeks ago I was told by my best friends mom that one of my boyfriends friends had come up to her in the pub and told her that my boyfriend had been cheating on me! I haven’t asked my boyfriend about this as I haven’t any proof so I was going to wait until he was home to take him to my friends house to get her mom to explain and then take it from there anyway….. last night i went out and when i walked into the pub i bumped into my boyfriends mom who i get on very well with. she asked if i had heard from my boyfriend and when i said no she said she hadnt either! she then turned to me and said he has his own life and he needs to live it and he doesnt need anyone at home anymore!! then in the next breathe she said she knows he loves me and hates being away from me!!! after that she had a go at my best friend and told her not to leave me like she always does! (which is ture but i was gobsmacked that my boyfriend had mislaid my trust and told his mom what i had been saying about my friend!! everyone is entitled to a moan!) this really upset me but my mom told me if im rid of the relationship my boyfriend and his mom will really stir for me and i will be left with on-one, as he will say things to my best friend!!please please help me i dont know what to do!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): My gosh! This relationship seems so unnecessarily complex! There is absolutely NO direct communication here. If it's so damn-it-to-lun difficult with all this crap between you and him, wouldn't you think that these are all signs to just not bother with it any more?
You have a guy who continues to mislead people, and become overly possessive of who you see, when you go out, where you go, etc. Then you have a bunch of people who has been spreading gossip in your circle of people you know, which mind you creates havoc in the area of trust obviously which in turn lead you to question everything and anything that remotely resembles suspicion. Then you have the moms getting into your lives, leading your already fragile emotions in loops, ups and downs, trying to make you see the questionable relationship, but because of the previous acts of gossip, you can't rely on their judgment as there are external influences to consider.
I say, if it's really that much trouble to stay with some guy who from my PoV just isn't worth much of anything, I say, really, why the hell are you playing in this puzzle with no apparent bigger picture?
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