A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a while and whenever we have sex, we always use protection. But there was this one time that we didn't because we both didn't want to. After that time we used a condom every time. We were talking about our sex life one night and I told him I liked it better when we didn't use a condom and that we should do that more often. He rejected the idea and told me he wasn't ready to have a kid since I wasn't on the pill. Fast forward two months and he decided to take up on my offer on not using condoms. I don't know what changed, I am still not on the pill. Every time we have sex, we don't use a condom anymore. I guess where I'm getting at is why did he suddenly decided to stop using condoms since he did reject the idea the first time around. Side note. We are both 20 still in school. Um I already know we are stupid for not using protection so I don't need anyone to tell me that because I already know.
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condom, sex life, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2017): Simple. Condoms dull sensation. He's getting more pleasure out of skin on skin sex. I hope he's at least pulling out. There's another aspect to this too. I always find unprotected sex exciting. The thrill of throwing caution to the wind and risking getting impregnated by my lover just makes the sex really good. Maybe he feels the same way?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Probably because it feels better for him, and well sure if you get pregnant its not really going to be his problem is it, I mean he has made no commitments to you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): You're not in a committed relationship so for all you know he could be screwing around. Have you considered the fact that you could get aids? And any other STDs going? That would right royally screw YOU up. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): Let me just advise all women out there- sex is a million times better without a condom. For guys, anyway. So it's easy to understand why he doesn't use a condom, from that perspective. Of course, we have to sensible about sex so it's not as simple as 'I like that way' there is responsibility that comes with sex.
His change of mind, however, is really confusing. Especially when he made it clear he didn't want to become a dad. Did he a get a vasectomy or something? You should really ask him, and I don't think you need to wait 'for the right moment!'
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): Glad you already know this is so unsafe so I'll save you the lecture. Um actually I won't. Are you both prepared to raise a child together? You're in school and it doesn't even sound like you're in a committed, loving relationship. You both sound selfish- YES it feels better without a condom but if you're not adult enough to be safe, then you shouldn't be having it at all. You need a reality check.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Sex may feel better without a condom, but it doesn't necessarily feel terrible for everyone using them and it's not just the woman who should be responsible for protection.Talk to him because you will definitely become pregnant, at some point, without using contraception.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2017):
 You ask why HE was OK having sex without a condom, but the REAL question is WHY are you?
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (5 February 2017):
Well, N91 is right so perhaps it just feels better for him.
Perhaps he also thinks that you have started using another method of contraception since you suggested not using condoms.
But I think it's because it's not really him that's going to have to deal with the aftermath if you do get pregnant. He can simply say that he doesn't want to be a father, break up with you and disappear and you will be left making some very hard decisions n your own. Sure, the courts may make him pay child support but it's not always about the money.
DearCupid is full of posts from young women who've gotten pregnant and been deserted by the father so make sure that you are really prepared for single parenthood. Abortion is a very painful choice to make so don't deliberately put yourself in that position.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Because sex feels terrible for a guy with a condom on is my guess.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 February 2017):
You're not my store enough to become a mother, so why are you risking it?
Get on the pill, at the very least, and don't have sex until it's kicked in. You're not just gambling with your two lives - you could make one, two or three more in one go, with a guy you're not committed to.
Please, OP, don't be so reckless. Ask him what's changed. Did you both get tested for STDs before taking off the condom? Unlikely, so go do that too.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 February 2017):
 How late are you going to leave it before sorting something out? When you are pregnant and he has said "I told you I wasn't ready for kids" and has disappeared and left you with the responsibility?What are you going to do then? Terminate the pregnancy or give up your studies and raise the child as a single mother? Neither is a fantastic option, is it? The fact that you are so careless about contraception - and that you have to ask a question on a forum that you should be discussing IN DEPTH with your partner BEFORE having unprotected sex - tells me you are far too immature to be a parent. Stop playing Russian roulette with a child's life and get some contraception sorted out until such time as you have matured sufficiently to only have unprotected sex in a steady relationship in which both partners actually want a child. Suddenly finding out you are pregnant will not be romantic or sexually thrilling. It will be life changing. Do something before it is too late.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): You have to ask him what he will do if you become pregnant.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): Ok so I skip the lecture on the pearls of what you are doing and go straight to the conclusion.
Obviously he hesitated because he wanted to think what he would do in the event of a pregnancy. Now he clearly decided what to do in that event and that is I think either-
1- He will marry you and start work to support you and the baby.
2- He will dump you and move on with his life while you cope as a single mother.
One short advice. Go on the pill.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): "why did he suddenly decided to stop using condoms since he did reject the idea the first time around."
I suspect he finally realized that WHEN (not if) he knocks you up he can just dump you and start fucking some other chick who won't tie him down with a squalling screeching kid he doesn't want.
Unless you really want your future to be that of a single mother raising an out-of-wedlock kid completely own your own while absentee deadbeat sperm donor is nowhere to be found then you really should smarten up.
He can walk away from an unplanned unwanted pregnancy borne of irresponsible reckless behavior. You can't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): I think it sounds like you DO want a child.
Perhaps he is assuming you are on the pill? But really,it doesn't matter what his reason is. What is YOUR reason?
You should look into Fertility Awareness Method if you cannot be on the pill and truly don't want a child. It is actually very effective if used correctly.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 February 2017):
If you are willing to have sex without protection, then surely you should be able to ask him about his change of mind.
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