A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:Need help.I have been dating F for 3months. We're both 28. He's a great guy and a kind heart. However, he has not been in a relationship in years and I think we are having different expectations in this relationship. He is not the most sensitive of guys and we don't do 'normal' couple stuff like talk on the phone. We meet up 1-2 times a week but he's super busy. He tells me that he's finding it difficult to juggle work, personal life and me as he didn't have to do it in years. On the other hand, though I do give him space, I have my needs too. I like to feel close to my BF and to share my life with him. Sometimes I feel that he will rather do without me and that he finds it a chore to do normal stuff like hanging out with me.I know he probably loves me and I accept partly him for who he is. However, this is causing a lot of stress for both of us. Whenever he starts being busy at work, I just give him A LOT of space..but I'm compromising on my needs of talking to my BF and feeling close to him. It's also frustrating on my side....He is also leaving for another country for 3 years in a few months. I do love him, but all these factors are frustrating.Would appreciate any input....and how I should bring this up with him....He is such a guy guy and he cringes when we talk about 'feelings'. I do not want to add more stress to him as well....ThanksS
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (18 February 2009):
Sif you need more than you are getting out of this relationship (and it sure sounds like you do), you aren't doing either of you any favors by grinning and bearing it.frustrations will only grow. figure out what you need to be happy (or at least content). understand that love isn't the same as attention or holding hands or sharing stories. you can love someone and make them miserable. don't make the mistake of assuming that if there is an emotional connection between you, and you sacrifice enough, that magically changes someone.assume he will be who he is unless you ask for change. recognize that change is possible but difficult. decide what you want. ask for change if you think sufficient change is a realistic.and finally, recognize that a good relationship takes two right people. working and sacrificing is necessary to make yourself into the right person, but doesn't make someone else right. and some people are better fits than others, all things being equal.i hope you get the relationship you want.best wishes
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