A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:10 months ago I met this guy in an MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role play game) . Normally I don't talk to people I don't know because it normally aggravates me when strangers attempt to make friends with me. I prefer to be a solo player. Well this was different. When he talked to me I didn't get annoyed or anything. He was strange and he helped me learn the game. My character had gotten overweight and he made a party called D.I.E.T. To help me out. Something made me go with him. And we hit it off really well. I spent the day with him but it was purely within the game. Something came up and I had to leave in a hurry but I couldn't stop thinking about him all day. I couldn't stop thinking about him until I met him again in the game. When I logged in he messaged me immediately and we started talking. He didn't believe that I was a girl at first because there are a lot of guys that play as female characters. Well a couple months went by and I met his 2 friends and before I knew it the 4 of us were together every single day. I asked where they were from and to my surprise they were from India. I live in the U.S. The more time went on the more I had a crush on him. And I liked him purely for his fun loving personality. Well I was really close to him as a friend by then and I told him I had a crush on someone in game but that I wasn't going to do anything cuz of the distance. He tried his best to give me advice but he want really good at it. It just made me feel good being open with him. Fast forward he brings me to this place just the 2 of us. And tells me that he likes me. Well I confessed too of course. We were both happy and decided to take it slow. After about 2 months we started texting on skype and before we knew it we were talking every single day. We decided to start dating and be boyfriend girllfriend despite the distance. But we knew we would have to wait for each other because he was still in high school and I was in college (he's 4 years younger). Well for the next 6 months things were AMAZING. We started doing voice calls on Skype and in the very first one he said he was happy I wasn't a guy. Apparently he was still nervous about that. And we talked a couple nights a week. We worked our way up to video chats on Skype and despite it being awkward we loved it. Eventually we started sexting and moved up to video sex. It was amazing. We couldn't get enough of each other. We talked about getting married having kids buying a house and planting cherry blossom trees in the backyard and that we would have a cat and a dog. One day he decided he wasn't sure if he loved me or not and I tried to be understanding. I was his first relationship. So we took a week of not talking even tho it killed me. The thought of us breaking up. He was just perfect. I kept crying and I couldn't eat. Well before the week was up he came to me crying and saying he was sorry that he ever doubted us. I was overjoyed that we didn't have to break up. But things were never 100% the same after that week. It made me paranoid about his feelings. But I tried to ignore my doubts. And every time I had doubts he would dismiss them and tell me that I meant everything to him not to worry. Well the distance was hard not being able to kiss or cuddle but I got used to being without it. I figured he had too since it never seemed to bother him. Well 4 months after that week things got different between us and we started fighting almost every day. He was stressed out and wouldn't really talk about it. Well after fighting about 3 or 4 times we had a talk and he said he was sorry but that he would dedicate the next week to me to make up for it. That we could do whatever I wanted. But within those 4 months it's like he lost interest in calling me. Well the week was just perfect It felt like when we first met again. We didn't fight or anything but he tried his best to see me as much as possible and I did the same. We sexted at the end of the week it was Saturday night. I didn't see him much on Sunday but I found out Sunday night I would have the house alone Monday morning. I was excited because we could finally have some alone time again. And I texted him to let him know. Well when I woke up on Monday morning and one of the first things he says was he wanted to make sure I knew that he cared about me more than anything. Well my family ended up not leaving and he got impatient. He said that they give him no choice then. That he wanted to wait till I was alone so I could express myself fully but he didn't have a choice anymore. He asked me if I had eaten so that I wouldn't just throw up with nothing there. I told him yes and I felt my heart drop. It made me scared. I told him he was scaring me and he said he was sorry. Then he told me that he was breaking up with me because he didn't love me that he had been wanting to break it off since that week. That he just wanted to give me one more week of paradise because he cared so much about me. But I didn't believe him when he said he didn't love me.That didn't sound right. We ended up talking the next night because I wanted answers. He apologized and said he loved me more than anything and that he always will but he can't deal with the distance. And he tried to give me some excuse again. He always said he had megalomania but it never really affected us. He told me I was in his way because he wanted to do something stupid. He wanted to better himself. But we both knew I wasn't in his way and in the end he admitted it had nothing to do with us. He said he's too young to think about marriage and everything and that he just wants a high school romance that when people ask about him in high school he doesn't want to say he spent it waiting on some girl. He called himself selfish. Idk what he thinks he's missing out on. It just sounds like he wants to have his first kiss etc. he said he can't handle going to the mall and seeing couples hold hands and not being able to have that with me. And with our careers we won't be able to close the distance fully for another 6 years. We can't even meet for another 2 years. He said he just can't wait for me. He cried so much. He doesn't want to do this but he's forcing himself to. I don't understand it and I hate it. We agreed to stay friends like we used to be. But I can't fully accept us as friends. We were so close. We told each other everything even when it was embarrassing. We would do stupid things together and just laugh and say "I love you" the love was just there and it was so strong. But he's making himself do this cuz he doesn't want to do the distance anymore. I'm not sure what he expects to get out of these next 2 years. I know he's young. But after 10 months together. I could finish his sentences. I know him. And he's just forcing himself to do this. He tells me how much he loves me that he keeps crying but that we need to move on. I hate it. He said he doesn't want to be too close to me because he doesn't want to end up dating me again. And I asked him for a second chance that we could make it work but he's too stubborn and refuses. I thought about not talking to him for a week to see if he misses me. We used to talk every single day. He would have so much trouble when we had to stop talking for just one day. We missed each other soo much. I'm hoping that at the very least maybe we can try again 2 years from now when we can finally meet. I know we're perfect together. I can't stand seeing this. And he's just forcing himself to do this even tho he doesn't want to. It's so hard. I don't know what to do besides try to keep him as a friend and maybe take some time apart to let him think. I just want him back. I miss everything we had together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've thought about it and decided that it's best for us to to wait... I don't want to hold him down... My whole life my mother held me down like I was on a 2 foot leash until I turned 18 and quickly moved out... (Back home now... Had to come back after 2 years) I hated every minute of it... And I remember when I was with my first boyfriend I found out that I was Bi not straight and I wanted to experience things before settling down and I almost broke up with him for it... I wanted to experience life... I wanted to be sure of what I wanted... And being I was his first girlfriend... I know it's hard right now but he needs to experience things... I get that now... And with the way he values life SO much... I can understand where he's coming from... The last thing I would want is to tie him down... And well... If he comes back even after everything then it'll be better... And he'll be sure about what he really wants... It took me a while to think to realize that I had to go through so much to find out what I wanted out of life and out of a relationship... And he doesn't have that kind of background... And for me to try and deny him that... I love him too much... It's hard and I don't plan on being single forever but maybe we'll come back to each other some day... That's all I can hope for... I know deep down we're right for each other... We knew it when we met... And the feeling I got just from the moment I met him wasn't like anything else... On a side note I had a psychic years ago tell me I would marry him before I ever met him... Thought she was nuts till I remembered her reading a few months back... Freaked me out... But I really understand what he meant now when he told me he met the love of his life "too soon"... It's hard but I feel a lot better... I'm sure it'll be harder when he moves on especially if he moves on first... But I know this isn't easy for either of us... But if he does come back at least I'll have the peace of mind of knowing that he's sure that I'm what he wants... Which I wouldn't have otherwise... I've always been a very patient person and even though I don't like waiting I can... I'm ok with hurting now if it means it'll be worth it in the end... Even if it's not with him... But being with him still taught me a lot... And I can at least be grateful for that... I feel like if we're meant to be then he's worth the wait... He always was which I guess was why the distance didn't bother me so much... Because I could see the light at the end of the tunnel... Also I have trichotillomania (eyelashes NOT my hair) I can't even remember what it was like to have a full set of eyelashes... I don't have a single one... So when he says he has megalomania... And after thinking about it... I know what it's like to not be able to control what u what or what ur doing... No matter how stupid it is or painful it might be. So I can't be mad at him... He wants to be someone great and says I was in his way even tho it makes him cry... So in addition to the being held down part... I can still somewhat understand what he's feeling... So I can't be mad and I can't blame him...Thanks to everyone who responded and gave good advice... As I'm writing this I really do feel much better about everything but no guarantees that I won't be crying anymore... It still hard even tho I try to smile through the tears... All I can do is wait... I know that now... And I've come to peace with it for the most part... Now that I understand...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2015):
 I think this is a case of fantasy versus reality.
The fantasy was great, and it started out while "roleplaying" as well. But reality is a much different kettle of fish. There is the distance, the family and other issues - the things WE all go through in life. (that we mostly leave behind when playing online games).
I think you both got caught up in fantasy, but then REALITY came knocking.
He realized that a 2 year wait and then a 6 year wait is NOT what he wants, for himself OR you.
And then there is the age gap. He is 4 years younger than you. THAT is a LOT at your age. He is 15-17 and in certain places all that sexing/videosex etc is illegal and can LAND YOU (as you are older) in serious trouble. He is a MINOR.
My advice to you is, 1. NOT get into sexual things online. There is no shame in doing so with a PARTNER you know and trust and who is LEGALLY old enough to do it. BUT you NEED to consider that ANYONE (with Skype) can can DOWNLOAD your little "peepshows" and put it online and ONCE it's online? It's VERY hard to find & take down.
2. ACCEPT that he is NOT mature enough for what you want. A serious relationship. It IS true when they say that boys mature SLOWER than girls.
3. If you can't BE a friend (and ONLY a friend) with him, then it might be better to simply CUT all contact with him. It will definitely help YOU get over him.
4. If you think you want a relationship/bf find someone who doesn't live a world away and who can only give you the "fantasy". Find someone you can see EVERY day, someone you CAN SHARE experiences with.
In time it will pass and you will see that HE was right in ending it. He simply wasn't ready.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked him out of all the reasons he gave me (distance, too young to talk about marriage, wanting to experience high school, etc) he told me that it was his megalomania... He said he just wants to try and be as close to perfection as possible and that he knows how stupid that sounds but he can't help himself at the same time... He said that he can't do that with me around and that he was sorry for throwing me away like that for something so stupid... But to me it sounds like he just doesn't have time for a relationship right now... Idk... He says that eventually it'll end and he'll realize perfection doesn't exist but he wants to get as close as possible to it... I'm hoping that we may be able to get back together when this is all over but idk... Even tho we're broken up I still feel calm when he's around... Even despite being upset with him and being confused I just feel calm when I'm texting him... It's just hard not to know what's gonna happen to us...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChipmunk37,My friend told me the same saying... She said that if he really loves me then he'll come back eventually. Someone else told me that if we're meant to be together we'll end up together. It's just hard waiting.After he had taken that week to think 4 months ago he said something about meeting the love of his life way too soon. It's just really hard to swallow... It's hard to wait and move on and eventually see him move on... All I want is to try and get him back.I don't want to wait years to see if maybe we'll be together again... But i feel like he'll be miserable all over again if we do get back together now... And I love him too much to do that to him all over again... And I'm too scared of having to go through this "trauma" for a 3rd time... I know it's best for us to wait for now... It's just so hard... I'm just happy that he's allowing us to be friends. There's a saying that says "if u don't grow together you'll grow apart" which scares me... I text him and he ignores me sometimes because he doesn't want to be TOO close to me... He just keeps me at a distance because he doesn't want to end up dating me again... I guess it's best... It would probably hurt him too much to be too close right now... I'm thinking about taking a break from talking to him for a while maybe a month to let things settle though before we try to be friends. People keep telling me that if he really loved me he won't move on so quick unless it's a rebound because I'm scared to watch it. They say he needs time to get over it just like I do. It just hurts so much...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): I kind of understand the situation your in here. That being said, he did the right thing. Long distance relationships take a lot of work and trust, and considering his age, right now probably wasn't a good time. Would you rather him not be able to go to homecoming and prom because he was with you? Also, this may also sound a bit harsh but, you don't really "know" someone all that well over the internet. I dated someone online for 5 years, and I still didn't feel like I knew him that well.I'd suggest let him be free, he shouldn't have to have the burden perse of an online relationship, and should be able to do teenage things (go to school events, party, whatever). Maybe you two can stay friends, but the fact you'd have to wait so long to be together, and the fact he's still in school would hinder things and you should wait, and if you're that impatient maybe he didn't mean that much to you.
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A
female
reader, chipmunk37  +, writes (16 July 2015):
 I know this may be hard to hear but he is doing the right thing. You are both young and have your whole life ahead of you and by waiting for years to be together you are missing huge chunks of it. He is forcing himself to do the right thing by both of you even though it is killing him to do so. Considering he is in high school I am impressed with his maturity. Remember the old saying " if you love something set it free." Don't doubt that he loved you. He loves you enough to do what is best. Maybe now is not the right time for you two but that doesn't mean your time won,t come sometime in the future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): Okay. I understand how you feel about this guy (I really do, I was in a similar scenario a while back) but you need to let go and find someone who actually loves you. This guy is an asshole and he was using you. He was just horny. He was probably jerking off to your texts and video sex. And then when that wasn't satisfying him anymore he told you the distance bothered him. You seem like a nice enough person but don't waste your time on this guy, you deserve better.
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