A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hie Cupid,I fell in love with a very amazing guy, about two months ago. He's in love with me too.So, after hanging out for six times only (writing this because it might be the answer to my doubt), on Valentine's day, we both decided to lose our virginity.Now, the foreplay was heavenly, we had the most fun and it was simply beautiful. However, at the time of the deed, he simply could not get his dick erect, even after a blowjob and a handjob. Leading to this, we didn't actually have any sex that day.Now, I wanted to know all possible reasons that you think exist for this situation to arise.He's the kindest person I know, I think maybe he was nervous? Maybe I'm too special for him and he wanted to perform well but the performance anxiety took over? I have tried everything under the sun to help him get the most comfortable with me, but maybe he isn't that comfortable with me yet? Maybe it's the fact that we have hung out very few times before we decided to have sex and he isn't comfortable with that?I DON'T KNOW.Maybe he's watching a lot of porn and I'm not enough for him?We're both in love with each other. He is the shy, introverted, mind his own business kind of a person. I'm an extrovert, has a lot of friends, loves helping everyone kind of a person. I just want you to help me figure out what went wrong? Or, are there any ways you can suggest to turn him on, in a way that actually leads to us having sex?I can't say if he has started to feel like he's not ready yet, after asking me if I'd like to have sex or not? Since he's actually the one who offered, I'm not sure if "not being ready yet" is the case here.Anywho, please help me out.Thanking you in anticipation.Love you, keep helping people like me ??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 February 2019):
 Its a common problem for men. They get nervous and if nervous they dont get erect. Yes, he just needs more time with you to get comfortable.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (18 February 2019):
 You’re not in love after meeting 6 times, let’s get real here.
You need to relax here, you sound like you’re both coming on way too strong. If he’s losing his virginity then it’s perfectly normal to be nervous and I’d say that’s the case here, but none of this worrying will help the cause, just wait till you’re both ready and try again. What’s the rush?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): Here's yet other reasons.
Stop and think about it. He may have offered only to see what you'd say. He didn't have to want it himself; he just wanted to see what you're expecting. Now he knows, and he may feel you'll lose patience with him if he isn't. In two months you say you fell in-love. So he had to know where you want to take it; but he's not ready to take it that far. He could also be judging you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2019): Back-up a little bit. You're all over the place; and if you went-off on him as you're coming across now, it's no wonder.
Prepare for some sound and firm advice. Some won't be sugarcoated and tied with a pretty bow.
Read something about male anatomy. A penis is a body-part, not a battery-operated device or hand-tool. It's made of flesh and blood. Sometimes it doesn't perform, and you gave every possible reason why that could happen.
Let me add some other reasons. You may be pushing things too quickly; and he is mindful of all the consequences and responsibilities of sex. Like taking your virginity; and being the one responsible, should your parents find-out and blow a gasket. Some fathers go ballistic when they learn their daughter has lost her virginity before marriage. Of course, the guy gets the blame! She's pure and innocent.
Knowing a little something about Indian culture; if he has any idea if your parents are the traditional-type, he has no idea what could come of all this. They may decide he should marry you! He may not want to! You know he's shy and introverted; but you come across quite aggressive and maybe too "matter of fact." That's intimidating to someone who is a virgin. Like "snap to it, what's wrong with you?"
Lighten-up!!!
Learn to let nature take its course; it's not a scripted play, or a command-performance. You have to be in the mood and be taken by the moment. You planned it all out, snapped your fingers for him to jump on command; and expected his on-the-spot performance. I mean, seriously?!!!
You may only be a friend, and not his first-choice to lose his virginity to. You never really stopped a moment to consider that. Your mission is to lose your virginity; so you've decided now is the time, and it's his duty.
Maybe he wasn't ready at that particular moment in time; and you may not necessarily be the one. I do hope you'll use condoms when you decide to explore sexual-intercourse.
You may be very special to him; maybe not in the way you want to be. You have great expectations from someone who isn't sexually-experienced; and you're being quite critical.
He's very new at this, and perhaps he's not quite ready for sex. Be patient. You don't get to decide when he "should" be ready. Therefore, his penis decided on its own; that it isn't ready for this.
Sometimes fear and performance-anxiety does get the better of a guy. He also has to be responsible, use condoms, and consider the consequences of what he could face from the girl's parents; if he gets her pregnant. I've read of cases honor-killings in India. By old-tradition, women are seen as torchbearers of family-honor. Even now in the 21st-century.
So the guy deciding to take that leap best consider the consequences. His own parents may have conditioned him to believe he must wait for marriage. A lot is going through his sexually-inexperienced mind.
Maybe nothings is wrong. Just slow your roll.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 February 2019):
 OP, this isn’t love yet; you’ve both got a major crush on each other, but two months isn’t very long. Be patient and slow things down. May I ask: will your future be affected if you have sex with this man before marriage? It’s probably just nerves and you can’t rush feeling comfortable with someone, so leave sex alone for a little while and get to know each other more first.
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