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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months and are in love with each other. The problem is, each time we have tried to have sex, he couldn't obtain an erection. He said he wanted nothing more than to 'be with me' and I could tell he was really upset about it. The first time it happened I reacted badly (I was convinced it was because he didn't fancy me) and I understand that the fuss I made was selfish and wrong. The second time, I comforted him and told him that I didn't mind not having sex for a while. The problem is, I really love him and want to be as close to him as possible. I'm now afraid to bring up the subject or take any steps towards helping him get an erection because I'm scared it will end in embarrassment for him and disappointment for me. I don't want to break up with him but he's talking about us being together forever so at some point the sex issue has to come up. I don't know what to do now. If it's relevant, I'm 17, he's 21 and we're both virgins.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): I say definitely do NOT bring it up. Guys don't want to talk about why they cant perform. It's embarrassing and in this situation i would say its pretty clear why he cant get it up. He is nervous! The guy I lost my virginity to had the same problem when we tried to have sex for the first time. He was just really nervous, and talking about it only embarrassed him and made the wait to actually have sex longer. I say, carry a condom in your purse from now on, and when you two are alone together, just fool around for awhile. If it gets to that next step, then great! But you dont need to MAKE it happen. If he feels in the moment and more relaxed by letting it just happen, all sails will be in the air and you guys will be good to go! Here's to smooth sailing!
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (1 July 2007):
I would say something similar to what flower_girl said, don't put so much pressure on to have sex. If you 'plan' to have sex on a particular night, there is going to be pressure, which can be quite high since you are both virgins. Instead just get together, relax and see where things go. Don't even really think about it and if it feels right at the time, then do it. As for bringing the topic back up with him, I think you should. Find out why he thinks it happened. Ask him if he felt nervous or something? Becuase if he was, you can def help him with this. I know its a hard topic to bring up, but its something that needs to be discussed and trust me, he will probably be so thankful you brought it up becuase he probably is too scared to be the first to bring it up himself.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 July 2007):
 The man is nervous. If he stops thinking about it...
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A
female
reader, loops  +, writes (1 July 2007):
I agree it could be down to nerves. Take the expectation out of it. You dont have to have sex straight away, start with something less and build up. Create a calming atmosphere, dont rush into anything and try building up to sex slowly.By removing all the "I must be able to have sex" expectation out of it you may find he relaxes and can keep an errection without any trouble. if this doesnt work it may be worth speaking to a doctor just incase there is something underlying. But I personally think it sounds like nerves.
Good Luck. loops
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (1 July 2007):
 This all could be down to nerves if it is going to be your first time, you both need to be very relaxed and take it slow.
A suggestion could be a bottle of wine, candles and soft lighting, talk to each other try some foreplay and just enjoy the moment.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to perform.
Take care.xx.
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