A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:An old high school flame contacted me on facebook after 10 years. We were in love and we had to break up due to his move to another high school. He met a woman nothing but a year after we broke up and he is married to her now with a child. I am single. He contacted me and told me that after we broke up he promised himself he wanted a woman as close to me as possible and he met the girl hes with now and been with her ever since. He said hes missed me and has had a lot of love for me and he couldnt find me and tried for a long time. We talked on the phone for over 2 hours and all my old feelings came back. He wants to meet up with me, obviously I would love that but I told him I would never do that with him being married. He said that I could meet his wife. He told me they were having some problems too I did mention marriage counseling may help. Obviously I still find him attractive and have feelings that we never got to really get going in a strong relationship and foundation because of his move, but I'm a smart woman and wouldn't cross boundaries.I sent him a small message just told him that its real weird he contacted me because another person from high school contacted me just the day after we talked and asked me out a single guy and that the guy mentioned him and how jealous he was when we became a couple.He didn't reply. I guess he decided to just leave me alone? or he is a bit jealous or upset, oddly being married? I am not trying to break up his marriage I care enough for him to NEVER do that so no worries. I have just left him be hes just on my facebook. But curious why he didnt reply and a bit of the ignoring going on.
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broke up, facebook, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh nah if I went for coffee nothing would happen, I'm already dating someone. And I realized honestly hes not nearly as attractive as he use to be. Hah...but there won't be a coffee likely I realized hes over 2 hours away.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 In addition to what the others have said...
Meeting this old flame for cofee, pure or otherwise is definitely NOT smart. You've just finished telling us your old feelings came back after speaking to him once. To have any more contact with this man is to risk temptation. The smart thing to do would be to walk away while it's easy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay thanks guys i think your all taking it a bit to far. we were 16 years old we did not have sex it was a sweet relationship. I do not think he goes around looking for women to have affairs with like that when we talked he was just talking about the old days together and telling me how he felt than and what went wrong for us and was telling me about how his family is doing, his mom was real fond of me. He was with me and right after me at 18 met the woman he is with now and had a baby and married her later. He can stay on my FB he lives over 3 hours away and he basically stopped talking to me since the call so who cares. I don't go out with married men, if he was divorced for his own reasons not for me thats different but I don't promote that. I was just being curious on the matter. Thanks everyone!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): Why he hasn't gotten back to you is he probably messaged a dozen women he had some sort of feelings for at one time and one of them took the bait and met him. He most likely said the exact same outrageous things to them all.Men are mainly the pursuers so women are often shocked at their approach...casting a very wide net in order to catch one fish. It's not a reflection on you, just that you were one person who was probably willing to have sex with him long ago and that was all he needed to justify contacted you. Just know there was no way he was thinking of you when he courted his wife, had great sex with her, and married her. That's no reflection on you either...men have trouble multi-tasking and tend to be very focused on one goal at a time. That's also why he didn't message back because some other woman was more eager.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): Walk away, be strong and walk away. Reading your story sounds just like the one I am about to end. For 18 months I have been led on, by my old flame, promises, meet ups etc...he is married, with a child of 16 yrs old.We hooked up on Friends Reunited. He was the love of my life, way back then, he has never left my mind...he came back...I believed very single word he spoke...played me, broke my heart, destroyed my life, my sense of humour is still at zilch...18 months of waiting and hoping....yep...he did it again...crucified me. I would't wish that on anyone...please find the strength to delete him from your facebook friends and do you best to forget him. Painful experience speaking here. Why ignoring you? was your question....one of two things my love...he wants you to chase him for his ego trip and to feel wanted by someone other than his wife... knowing he will never leave his wife for you...or he is feeling guilty and is backing off..DONT LET HIM GIRL....Send him the goodbye email thru facebook and knock him off your christmas wishes list... Move on as best you can and don't live in the "what could have been's"...I did...it screws you up...Good Luck ..Please try and let it go...It's his loss....not yours...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): Sorry to be so blunt but here goes. No he is not jealous. He might tell you he is just to make you believe he has interest. Men...ALL men do this when they have an impending break up. They always reach out to old flames. And it is NOT because he has feelings for you. It is only because he foresees that he will be single soon and he doesn't want to be alone. So he is setting up a few prospects so when the break up happens, he has someone to have dinner with and take home so as not to be completely alone and desolate. That's all it is. So he got in touch with you (and I guarantee you he has gotten in touch with several other flames) and he is telling you all this stuff he thinks you want to hear, "he wanted a woman as close to you as possible," not stuff that he actually means. So basically he is setting you up to be there for him if this break up does happen. Key word, "if." But to be there for him on HIS terms...not yours. And I guarantee you the reason he hasn't responded has something to do with his wife...My advice? Wisen up! This guy has *bullshit* written all over him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell no problems I'm not having any sort of affair with him. It would of been straight coffee and go home lol so it doesnt matter to me much, def not going to get in bed with the guy. I know my worth guys I'm a smart one. But I can easily meet someone and walk away its just not that serious are hard for me maybe only for him. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not asking if I should let it go. Thats fine for me. I am a very smart woman if I were to visit him it would be a pure coffee and go home. I did tell him that although I have boundaries and uncomfortable being hes married meeting up that I would consider a coffee. So he knew that I was open to that...and he stopped contact. So maybe he just weighed out his options and changed his mind, I dunno though he got pretty jealous on the phone when I told him he wasnt the only guy I dated in HS.
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female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Strongly advise you walk away, well actually run away.Being with a married man is never right, and being the other woman is the most soul destroying thing ever. They never (well you can't ever say never) but they rarely leave there wives (and even less rarely do they leave their wives and hook up with the mistress) he's having troubles, he's looking either for a reason to end his marriage, or a bit of light relief. I know that must hurt you, but it's true.They say exactly what they think you want to hear be that "it was always you" "we live as brother and sister" "it's the children" "I feel I should look after her still" "she will screw me for my money" meanwhile, he gets to feel like a man who is wanted, you get left for hours, days, weeks alone, you can't call him and your name is more than likely a guys name in his phone.For your own sanity just don't go there.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 September 2011):
 If you are smart you'll just let it go. Curiosity killed the cat.
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (21 September 2011):
My gut feeling on this is that this guy contacted you in the hopes that he could have an affair behind his wife's back, and since you made it clear to him that you would not be willing to engage in something like that he has lost interest. The signs are all there - he complimented you, said he's maintained feelings, mentioned marital problems, and asked to meet up. So he clearly came on to you. When you said you would never meet up with him because he is married, he probably knows you well enough to realize you mean it. Since it isn't a friendship he's after, he has lost interest. He's not going to make any effort if he can't get laid.This sort of thing happens all the time. Guys contact old flames - regardless of their own and their flames relationship status - in the hopes that they can rekindle something and get some action out of it. Very seldom do they actually hope to get back together or establish a friendship, and this is particularly true when they are married. Their motivation is sex... as shameful as that is, it's unfortunately true.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 September 2011):
 We guys never miss the chance to bed one of those cute girls that we "let get away".....
Good luck...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): Maybe he has weighed things up and thought it best not to continue contact. You are still wavering in your head it seems otherwise you wonder not ponder on this. Go by your gut feelings. Was he thinking of rekindling a relationship, or having an affair? I suspect so and he was sounding you out. In the light of you saying about your boundries etc and mentioning this other guy, I suspect that he thinks you are not up for revisiting your old passion.
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