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female
age
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anonymous
writes:i believe my partner is very disrespecting to me,he constantly moans how awful he looks and women no longer look at him,i tell him how beautiful he is and i fancy him like hell and all that matters is how i see him.if he was happy with me would he be wanting others to look at him? he is gorgeous,sexy an i love him more than anything. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janine 70 +, writes (7 February 2007):
Do you ever tell him when someone finds you attractive? Does he catch you glancing? Do you,yourself not want to be desireable? (of course you do).In one way or another it seems something has sparked off this insecurity. As for disrespect,telling you how that babe in the corner was giving him the eye would be more disrespectful. Wanting to be found attractive does not mean he wants to be unfaithful. This may be a counter reaction to something you or another has said to him,or behaved.He needs sitting down and in a polite way tell him how you feel after you have got to the bottom of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Not everything is blamed on the "male menopause",some people are bitter against the opposite sex through failure and failing to reflect on themselves.This doesnt matter which gender.We are all vain to some extent. It seems to me that the most likeliest is that he`s getting older but his mind is still young. Nothing wrong with that. I wouldnt take this as disrespect,at least he`s letting you know how he feels,instead of locking it all up. To not say anything would mean a lack of trust,and if he wanted to pursue anyone,he wouldnt have said anything in the first place.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): To the below anon reader. I don't think this woman is feeling sorry for herself! She says she's telling him that he is wonderful and sexy, blah, blahand she'sdoing all she can to appease his sensitive ego, here. This is not a male menopause problem either. Why do a guy's bad behaviours get blamed on male menopause? That is the biggest copout I have ever heard. This man has a personality and a character problem. He's sorely lacking in caring, respect and love for the woman he married. Sitting there whining to his wife, about how 'other women don't think he's sexy and handsome' tells you something about him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): If he`s like this,it`s because he`s feeling lonely & unhappy,instead of feeling sorry for yourself,why dont you try to get to the root of it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): He sounds too vain for me. Get rid.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): You say he moans about looking awful and women no longer look at him.I`m sure some probably do,but he`s feeling under the weather and only notices the negatives. Did he say he`s noticed women dont look anymore or did he say he wanted them to? Do you still like to be admired? I bet you do. Is this disrespecting him? I think the chances are he`s a little depressed about getting older and could probably do with a little counceling. Judging from your reaction,maybe you could do with some yourself,as it appears you have used your husbands depression to turn it into your own problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): Do you not see,he`s probably very depressed underneath the surface. I`m sure you must wake up feeling like a bag of spanners sometimes???? Would you then be disrespecting him? Sounds very much that he needs a good listener. Have you told him about dear cupid?
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (6 February 2007):
 I agree with the others he may need to feel youg and good looking maybe he's seeing himself with a foot in the pensioner's club and feels depressed as he would like to have a cool look and sex drive but make him sure u are ok and won't chnage him for another maybe he's got a middle age depression and needs u to reassure u find him sexy still or something I would not worry as u know his weak point if you feel attacked take some pics of the fireman's rising funds calendar and start admiring them in forn of him though I think of this as a last remedy and a highly bitchy thing ;-) good luck honey
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): Quite honestly, I agree with you. No, any man who is content with a woman couldn't really care less if another woman notices him or not. Any man who is worried about garnering admiring looks from other females is a concern. Hun, any red-blooded male would likely feel a nice ego boost if another woman looked at him...that is a given. But most loving, devoted guys, don't openly tell their beloved, he's upset because he doesn't get the looks from females, anymore. I can imagine how that must make you feel. I do feel he is being especially hurtful and disrespectful to you. When we love someone, we try to always say loving and respectful things. No crap like this. Behaving this way is a choice, an option on his part. Sometimes this unthinking behavior really cuts loose in a relationship for we can often treat those closest to us poorly. Set a boundary, tell him how what his 'moaning and complaining' about his looks and lack of female attention... makes you feel. Clearly stated expectations are needed here. Tell him you love him, but let him know his uncaring behaviors are not to be tolerated.
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female
reader, Simple.Compassion  +, writes (6 February 2007):
I pretty much agree with CD and Eve on this.
He may just be feeling the hit of "Oh crap... I'm getting old" in his own way (no offence). Its kind of like a self esteem issue. He's just starting to realize that hes not as desired as he once was by women. Like CD said, he knows hes got you, so he doesnt need to compete for your attention, but he still wants to know that other women find him attractive. I wouldn't worry that this is disrespecting you, just pretty much keep going about things the way you are. And give him time to adjust and get used to the realization that hes not that young sexy guy everyones staring at anymore. But let him know hes still that sexy guy you want and have. Lucky you.
I think you'll be just fine, just give him some time. But good luck anyway.
~Ria 3
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 February 2007):
 Your partner sounds a bit on the vain side to me. If he's between the age of 41 and 50 he'll be noticing things starting to slide, lines appearing on his face, his hair thinning etc and that can be a big shock the the male ego. I would laugh it off and tell him not to worry about it, that you still love him and surely that's the main thing. Also let him know it's the person inside that counts more than how they look on the outside.
Compliment him when he wears something you think looks good on him and boost his ego a bit. I don't think he's really disrespecting you, in fact I don't even think he's aware he's like this? Just play it down, as long as he doesn't begin to become paranoid about it then I think it will pass and he'll settle down again if you can reassure him.
Eve
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): ask yourself would you feel the same if the roles were reveresed?
all people, even those with partners like to be admired, we all flirt, we all 'eye' people. its human nature to be wanted. the fact your married means he automaticly takes your admiration for granted which im sure you do his.
hes obviously having trouble in his mind and feeling very lonely, which we all do from time to time. hes at a stage where hes not the young party guy he was and hes adjusting. you need to show him your there for him, support not smother and dont take his feeling lonely as a personal slur.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): seems he`s afraid of growing old,just reassure him that you love him no matter how old he`s getting and you`ll grow old with him and want him just as always
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (6 February 2007):
 Some people need to be admired by others to feel worthy. He takes your admiration for granted because when you married him that was as good as saying you would always admire him. Sounds like he's having a bit of a mid life crisis to be honest. Give him his time and space and keep doing what you're doing, trying not to take his comments too much to heart.
CD
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