A
female
age
41-50,
*mma27
writes:I am almost 8 months pregnant and am having serious marriage problems. We have been married for just over a year and our arguments are more and more serious. This time we have separated for over ten days now and have been talking about divorce. The main reason is that he constantly lies and seems to be cheating. He constantly messages to someone and then deletes the sent and received messages from his phone. After I have confronted him about checking his mobile for sms, he started taking his phone with him everywhere, even bathroom in the mornings. He goes out in the evening, says he has been in one place, and then I find out he has not been there. I have also noticed that as my tummy grew, he has lost sexual interest in me. Also several times he got drunk and verbally abused me. The worst case was at the party when he wanted to stay and drink and I was too pregnant and tired to stay in the noisy and smoked place and wanted to leave. I have asked him to stay and let me leave, but he got really angry and abusive. I have tried to save my marriage, we have talked today and I was thinking that we can talk our problems over, but he just stormed out and left. Obviously he is not trying to save our marriage, should I be making more effort? Of course I do not want our child to be raised in this kind of environment, it is enough that I have had a very nervous pregnancy so far, but I am just afraid to be alone with the baby. I have truly deeply loved him until now, but now I just hate him for his behaviour.
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Deep down..Do you really want to spend the rest of your days on this earth with this man?
Only you know the answer...Go with your gut feeling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): "Relationships" happen when one person want to keep a constant connection with the other person or people. To differentiate between one type of relationship from another, we often put labels on the people in our lives - eg: boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, wife, husband, friend, confidant, etc. Now imagine this: situate yourself in the middle of a very large white room. Look to your side. Who is the first person you see? Is this the person you want to see as he or she is now? Is this the person you want to reach out to or is this person someone you want to get away from?Indeed, we are often attached to other people through our memories of them - emotional obligations, uncertainty, foggy futures, potential loneliness. Therefore, we settle for what is the most convenient for us, because what is most convenient also means it is 'enough' of a proof you won't be lonely, even if your relationship is crap."Love" is a state of mind. My brother once said to me, "Before you try to change others, change yourself first." If changing yourself, your scenario, does not change him, then you would have become something else anyway which would help you move on with your own life. The unfortunate problem lies with people not wanting to change themselves and instead, seek to change others.
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