A
female
age
30-35,
*ngela_lynn
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a month now. This is the 2nd time we are in a relationship. The 1st time was 2 months prior. We were together for almost 3 months and he said he had feelings for his ex and so I broke it off with him after I found out that he was deleting texts and that he had hung out with Her for a few hours and ended up kissing before they said their good byes. We started talking again a month into his relationship with his ex. Which lead to us hanging out and eventually dating again. I love this man with all my heart. I've known him for over 3 years now and he is amazing with my 4yr old son. But things are starting to get bad already. He cannot trust me. He always thinks I'm going to cheat on him. It hurts me. It makes me sad, and I've told him this on numerous occasions. He admits that he has a problem and wants to fix it but he just doesn't know how to. And I don't know what I can do on my part. He asked me to make a new Facebook so I did. Only having mutual guy friends that we hang out with together, my family, and my girlfriends. I don't talk to any guys and if I do, I tell him right away. I cut a lot of friends out of my life for this man because I want to make it work. I want him in my life forever. But we fight about something stupid almost everyday. It's becoming a cycle and we need to break it. We wake up on good terms. Argue during the day, then make up at night. For example, our last argument started because I am trying to sell my car. I told him than an old friend of mine wanted to come look at it and as soon as I told him this, he went I saying he doesn't want to see your car, he wants to see you. Then went on and said that an old girlfriend of his wants to come check out his car. which was uncalled for. Then he goes on and tells me that I am having attitude. The only reason o started having attitude was because of what he said. It's like, he wants to control everything I do. I'm stuck. He is insecure. Has trust issues, and says things to me to upset me. I swear he loves it when he can make me cry. And when he sees the tears in my eyes, and says you won okay. You always win the arguments. It's all my fault. Im the dick. And then he holds me while I cry. But it doesn't stop there. Then he says stupid comments and gets me back in a bad mood and asks why im acting the way I act. I just need answers. He's the one that cheated on me. He's the one that treats me like shit because of his insecurities. And he knows this. I tell him all the time. I don't want to lose him. But I'm getting fed up. We both look for solutions on the Internet. He is serious about getting help because he knows he has a problem. His excuse is that he has all these images in his mind, he makes up scenarios in his mind and then starts to believe them. He says rude things to me and says he can't help it because he doesnt have a filter on his mouth. If he is thinking it, he will say it, no matter how much it will hurt me.
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cheated on me, facebook, his ex, insecure, kissing, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 April 2015):
 I hope you are safe!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2015):
You're in an abusive relationship and the sooner you get out, the better off you'll be.
I have a link for you. Please call the number or go online and ask for help there.
http://www.thehotline.org
or call
1-800-799-7233
In your shoes, I would break up with him and go no contact, and I would make sure all my friends and family and neighbors and co-workers knew that this relationship was OVER, so that if he decided to become an enraged jealous ex, that they would know I was in some danger.
Get your son away from this man as soon as possible.
He's basically admitted he has no control over his emotions or actions, makes shit up, has no empathy and no self-control.
Get the hell away from him. Seriously. Now. You've known him for a few months and he's this abusive?
GET AWAY FROM HIM.
RUN.
Call this number for help in doing it safely: 1-800-799-7233
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2015):
 It is not "like" he wants to control everything - HE WANTS to control everything.
IF you have NEVER cheated (and he has) the accusations of YOU cheating is to KEEP you on the defensive so you don't notice all the "bad" little things he does.
Telling you to make a new Facebook? Seriously?
Not being able to have an old friend come look at your car that you are selling? Seriously?
He LOVES it when he can make you cry? Seriously?
AND you want this guy in your life?
HE is not going to change and his excuse? I have no filter... Which is him saying I CAN SAY and DO whatever I WANT because... my excuse... I have no filter... You just have to suck it up.
HE is TREATING you this way because YOU LET HIM and because THIS is who he is.
Honey, you are WASTING your life on this guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2015): I would strongly suggest getting out of this relationship and quick before it escalates further. I have experience of men who emotionally/physically abuse their partners and this has all the hallmarks of what could become a dangerous cycle of abuse the longer you are in the relationship. Get out and keep you and your child safe. It is not your responsbility to fix him (he could look at CBT courses).
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (22 April 2015):
 I think you answered your own question. In case you missed it, the answer is: let go of him and stay away from him. There is no need to be with a person who can light up your fuse so much, so often. You don't want to spend all day managing madness. You want to spend such days in bliss. Believe me, there are relationships where you could be swapping kisses and hearts all day on your texts, hold hands in evenings and still manage to smile in the morning. So let go of the cheater, don't attempt to fix anything with him, just let him go and don't see him no more. Then, pursue happiness.
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