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female
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*anannine
writes: I had a post called "Fallen in love with my business mentor/friend! But I don't know how he feels" So the advice that I got was to come clean. To go and get him. So the other night we are at it again. He is kissing me and of course im melting, and then he stops. He just looks at me and says “I can’t” just as everything is getting so steamy that I can’t handle it. So finally I ask why. This has happened before you see, and he never told me why he stopped. So I ask and he looks me straight in the eye and tells me that im his friend. Just his friend and this is wrong. Of course after being completely in love with this man for almost 2 years, and sharing my every bit of me with him, I can say that I was a little bit knocked off my feet. My next moments were spent pacing the room and sitting down and getting up again. He knew that I loved him, I know he did, but I had to say it. So when he asked what was wrong I said that im in trouble. I said, “im in love with my best friend” his face had NO SHOCK AT ALL! He knew! Then I pop a bottle of champagne to ease my sorrow and we down it together. Foolish I know, but I was hurting. So we sat and talked and I spilled my guts. We laughed, kissed and then he says I love you. so I said obviously not enough. His response is “no I love you, you are beautiful and smart and im extremely attracted to you.” WHAT!!!!!!??!?! So I ask why we cant be together then. And he tells me that there are things that he cant change, ???? and asks what I mean by together. See we are from Russia and he is much older. Here it is a bit easier because you know when someone is your boyfriend. There its different. You might not know at all because the whole “will you be my girl” proposal is foolish to them. Then he tells me we are together, right now. And then its “I don’t want anything to change.” So I said fine then give me closure so that I can move on. Tell me that we will never be together. He says I cant do that. Then he tells me never say never. Everything could change. So I say if you were going to love me you already would have. “Like I said I do love you and you can’t put a time on these things.” Were his final words of the discussion. He kissed me again, brushed my hair out of my face and said I haven’t been with a woman in years. He was in love, got married and got divorced. He said there has been nothing since then. I love him very dearly. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know whether to try to leave so that I don’t see him again…. I don’t know what to do or what he meant. Help…
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best friend, divorce, I love you, kissing, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, banannine +, writes (20 March 2007):
banannine is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks so much guys.
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (10 June 2006):
 I can only imagine that he is still a little aprehensive about total commitment after going through his divorce, not sure why as it seems his divorce happened a long while ago.
It sounds as if you are fed up and frustrated that you cannot move on with this relationship, nor do you seem able to walk away from this man, but you need to make a decision one way or the other, or you may find yourself waiting years for him.
I think you need to say O.K. if you will not move this relationship to the next level, then there's no point waiting around for "one days" they may never come, tell him you are moving on with your life, and do so.
If you can, change jobs and put him behind you, you'll only see exactly what you mean to him once he knows you are not in the background waiting around for him, who knows he may not like the idea of being without you and give you the commitment you are hoping for, if not what have you lost? Life is too short to waste on someone who cannot make up his mind, if he will not give you what you are looking for in the relationship, move on and find someone who will!
Good luck!
If he loves you it's time he proved it,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2006): don't know if this is much use but a while ago someone gave me some great advice. to find out how this man really feels about you try giving him complete space eg dont see him, text email or call. it hurts like hell but will show you how he really feels. if he is willing to contact you and ask you to do things then perhaps it will work out and it may be that he has issues relating to the divorce. perhaps he is afraid to get involved too seriously.if he doesnt contact you then perhaps its time to move on.good luck really hope it all works out for you, you really seem to genuinely care and i wish you all the best. x
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