A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupids,Well this has not happened once but three times. I have been dating this guy for 7 months now, he seemed to be so much into me and the relationship has been great except for one thing that I snooped in his phone while we were 3 months dating and realised that he was still communicating with this other woman. One of his sms was written something like “your g-string is very nice” and obviously it meant to me that he was sleeping with somebody else behind my back.He got angry because I was snooping in his phone, but I never apologised because I was convinced that I was right for snooping, which meant that if he was hiding anything, then I have discovered it…….Two months later, I realised that he still was talking to this woman….and we had a second fight about it. His response was that he thinks im an insecure person and that if there was anything he was not doing in a relationship.He recently went home for 3 weeks and he has only called me once, but because he is not employed I always thought its best that I call him,….my mind kept telling me that he could be calling other women so maybe I needed to minimise my calls…. A friend of mine told me that a man who is into me will make sure that he calls me and that she thought maybe he is the one who calls other women and to me he pretends as if he doesn’t have money wheras he is able to call other women…. I think she was right.He arrived two days ago from his trip from a different province, (I feel like bashing myself, even though im also trying not to blame me too much, because I am the one who insisted on having sex with him, and we ended up doing it without a condom. My instincts just drove me to snoop in his phone again and I realised that he is seeing more than two women and one of them was begging him wanting a child. I was really shocked (but not angry) but I started reading the sms loud at him so that he was aware I was reading them….when he came he just sighed “not really remorseful” but he was shocked that I do not respect his privacy. He always doesn’t understand why I would snoop in his phone, as the phone is private business…. What really turns me off is the fact that he doesn’t feel remorseful about his acts, nor try to explain why he was communicating with these women…… I cannot say its women that are chasing him because he also responds to those sms…. So I read both his sent and received sms….I know I am a snooper but not apologetic about it, my comment to him was that, its good of me to snoop because I will know the devil I am dealing with. I felt really disrespected and I feel like I am wasting my time and I feel very dirty that I slept with him…. I wish I saw them prior…..He then tried to make little affectionate moves which I didn’t respond to as I was feeling patronised by them. What I think I should do now is to put a halt to this relationship…. Even though I feel hurt ending things this way, but I feel like we will never go anywhere… I forgot to mention also that we never opened a discussion on what was going to happen when I first discovered these sms.A friend of mine told me the other day that the best solution is to come out of a relationship where you see your partner doing funny acts because they will never stop the next thing was that he was going to use other channels…. But I also felt that if he is doing them so openly, it means he doesn’t really care if I find them as I was not supposed to be snooping in his phone…..Please share your advises with me….
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female
reader, doodlebugamy  +, writes (24 December 2007):
 The more times you take him back the more he's going to think he can get away with it. Be strong and leave him. You deserve someone better - believe me there are some brilliant men out there who would rather die than cheat.
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (3 December 2007):
You are investing,into this relationship,more than he is and you are now seeing the effects of an unbalanced relationship.You've onyl been together less than a year and he's behaving like that? What more in the next 1year? He'll be coming with girls home and you'll be forced to watch!! It seems your man is really not as serious as you are about being faithful.Cheating isn't only confined to having sex but also communicating with the opposite sex that are do not support your relationship.I strongly suggest that you pick up the pieces and move on because he doesn't seem like a man who'll change any time soon.As a man i wouldn't like to read such texts in my woman's 4n,so i don't chat with girls who i know will send offending texts.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, kirsty_29  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Wow. I have a question for you.. WHY are you still hanging around this guy? Why are you even giving anything a second thought? You haven't known him long, and he seems to have absolutely no respect for you and not a care about what he is doing.He sounds like an absolute jerk and I'm just curious as to why you would even give him the time of day after reading text messages like that? He doesn't sound like a faithful type of guy or a guy who is ready for a commitment. Think a little more highly of yourself and find someone who is deserving of your attention and affection, this guy isn't it.Good Luck, and be kinder to yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Hi there honey, can understand how you feel went through 4 years of hell with my ex. I snooped too, he said I was jealous and possessive and had problems. I adored him so much that I sort of turned a blind eye, hoping he would choose me.He'd sweet talk me and I'd end up sleeping with him again and again, only to be heatbroken over and over. I wish I'd have had the strength to dump him in the beginning, but the sex was just amazing together and I always felt such a connection. It was what I call an addictive relationship, you must end it now or your self esteem will hit rock bottom and it will have an adverse affect on your future relationships with genuine men.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Definitely end this...today. No, you won't go anywhere. The trust has been shattered by his phone antics. You are pissed off. I can't blame you. He's cheated on you numerous times, and he feels no remorse. So why isn't that anger you feel, being put to good use, by dumping him? Look it, dear...having a guy like this, in your life is not about love, mutual regard respect and openess. So why are you hangin in there, dear? Don't become one of those unhappy gals who is so desperately depending on a man who lies and betrays her --those women who have a hard time giving up that unhealthy attachment of familiarity. So much so, they can't let go? Woman like that get trapped and the routine of dating a cheater, and the 'fear of losing him pulls them down.
Your bf is doing an interesting piece of work on you, here. He got caught and then she tried to shift the blame back on you. Sorry hun, but he seems to have proven he isn't the sort of man of good quality, who will cherish, honor, and love you forever. My advice is-there is no turning back so you either dump him or unless you want to be in a relationship where is NO trust..ever, you can swallow your pride and keep this jerk. It's your call..but i hope you make the most healthiest decision. I wish you luck! Take care and be strong
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): It looks to me like he's not that bothered about his infidelity and he thinks you're not bothered either if you're still with him.
I'm not sure how much proof you need or how much more of his behaviour you're willing to put up with, but I think you'd be rather better off without him unless you're quite happy for him to see other women as well as you.
Phil
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): Perhaps you were right for snooping the FIRST time only because it helped you find out that he is lying and cheating on you. But now you got your evidence, so why are you still snooping?? What are you trying to find out that you don't already know? He has made it very clear that he does not give a shit about you. Just because he is cheating on you does not give you the right to snoop on him. It does, however, give you every right to grow some dignity and DUMP HIM.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Yeah, I think that you should leave him. In response to the sex comment- we all make mistakes and you didn't know, so....just try to wait until marriage next time, or if you are not like that, just try to wait until you have been going out with someone for a very long time.
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