A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hiwe had a strong relationship since last 2 years.she was mad about me as i was about her.we planned to marry but our casts were different. Somehow we convinced our parents and things started moving, we got engaged officially. Meanwhile i should tell something important 1- my father wanted to do this marriage by orthhodox means along with all the rituals and adding and inviting all family members and he is short tempered, he expected an arranged love-come marriage2- my mother in law is the world's most egoistic person, she wanted equal space in honour and diginity didn't want to feel she is marrying her daughter, and wants the guy side to listen her in everything and do according to her.now we were happy about how we are getting near to our marriage. I'm in business, usa domain business, so i have to work in night shifts as i live in india. Her mother was used to create problems and she was used to discuss me in my business. i told her several times not to discuss when i'm at the office but she kept on doing same thing, second thing whenever she pointeed out anything wrong i took favour my parents ( they were not very much wrong, their sense was to settle everything according to society rules). she has been told to follow the normal homely rules like taking blessing from parents and relatives and traditional wearing, in respect of dresses she said she cant do much of these things and this was kind of a conflict and she wanted to get relieved from all these rules , i convinced her after marriage gradually everything will be okay . meanwhile 6 months we had continuous fights on these lil issues but one night i was in my office and she called me and discussed the same problem and i got very frustrated and told her if u dont want to marry pls don't, i took it easy cause fighting were quuite normal and was quite lil compared with great love we had. i called her mom and told the same thing ( i think the most silly thing i have done). her family suddenly changed the entire pic and took off the marriage , my whole family tried to convince her mother and to her also but they denied . she said i have broken her trust ---- the most killing stuff for me ... i cant live with her this statement 2 years i did everything fr her ( except listing anf favouring her against my parents). i loved her so deepely i cant tell . now she says she doesnt have any more space fr me in her heart how it can be , if a lil pain i flet she bacem mad and got run to meet me , she was damn crazy about me , and moreover we married unofficially , she took me as a husband since one year though we were living in our families .. howwzz that what happned .. she cant come back as he rmother said if she goes back she will think that her daughter has died for her ... now she talks very normally perhaps nothing has happned and opposite i'm not able to breath even, without her .... she says i have broken her trust, we were just behind 5 days to our marriage .. trust me i did everything for her but.... help me to get out from this, i will be highly obliged
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Hi,
You seem to be very much in love with your girl, but society and her parents have put a lot of pressure on you, I suggest you leave things to cool off, try to talk to your girl alone, and see what she has to say about the whole thing, but do you actally want to spend your life with a woman who favours her parents over you?, (when they are wrong), it's both your lives (you and her), no other should interfere, try to sit her down and disscuss what you two want for your future and for your wedding, it sounds like her mother is very strong and in control of her daughter, but I guess if she new, that you two already have had sex, she might not be willing to stop the marriage, may be her daughter should explain that to her.
Just take it easy now, and hopefully things will workout for the best.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Yabbiyum  +, writes (3 December 2007):
Control, control, control. Who's in control?The bride and her family's attempts to control you look like 'last ditch' efforts.Isn't it true that once you're married, you are the 'new boss'? Or will they continue to try to influence you constantly?If the latter is a big possibility, perhaps you are lucky for the break up.Plus, if you're only trying to please your father and family by marrying this girl, but you KNOW it will be a nightmare, WHY volunteer for it again? Be grateful it's over. Ask your father to find someone else. He couldn't really want you to be so unhappy, constantly nagged by such controlling people.You can apologize, in person, in writing, with gifts, however well you can do it. BUT do you want the misery?I say leave it alone.
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