A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloI am 29 years old and have been in the same realtionship for 7 years. 5 years ago my boyfriend made a move 2000 miles from me with my blessing, for work. I told him if we could survive a year apart I would move. With the economy, not being able to sell my house and my fear of not getting a good job, I still havent moved. We see each other about 5 times a year for 1-2 weeks each time. We get along great, not a day has passed since he moved that we didnt speak on the phone multiple times every day. Now here is what is killing me.. I returned from a 2 week trip there today. While there I discovered some clues he was cheating. I went into his google account and read all these text messages he thought he had deleted from his phone. There were things in there to a young lady other than myself, sexual things i thought he only said to me. So i dug deeper, i found a journal he had written and read it. in the journal on one occassion (2 years ago!) he wrote that he loved and missed this other girl. Obviously at this point i had to confront him about her. He said it had nothing to do with me. He says he was just using her for sex. And if i were there it wouldnt ever happen. He says we are far apart and he knows he loves me and Im the one he wants. He claims he broke it off with her after my previous visit (10 weeks ago, the texts i read were from around then) because i said i was going to move by the end of the year. In all honestly I can understand the need for sex (although i never cheated). But whats really eating me up inside is the fact it was a long term relationship. he says it wasnt like that, he wasnt affectionate, he never bought her anything and would only take her to the movies. Im not so sure i believe any girl would stick around for that. Anyway sorry this is so jumbled, I havent stopped crying since i got home. I need some serious advice, this is a man who cried to me last night that if i moved we would get married and start the family we talk about. Can/should i trust him again??? Will this pain ever go away??? Truly could this man love me? Thank you.
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male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 So sorry to hear that. I really cant stand cheaters, if he cheats on you he will cheat on anyone.
It is possible to mend your relationship and trust but it will take time on your part to think about if you want to forgive him.
He may love you, but it cant be true love or he wouldnt have cheated on you. If he was that desperate for sex then why not just masturbate while speaking to you on the phone or something.
I hope you can make sense of this as time goes on, trust your gut feelings but dont make hasty decisions.
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