A
female
age
51-59,
*ickster8511
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, and I love him dearly. A few months ago I found messages on his Facebook between him and an ex. The contents upset me as they were flirting, although nothing too major. I told him how I felt, and he admitted it was wrong. I have again found messages on his Facebook between them, discussing me, and that he wouldn't have met me if she hadn't dumped him. I confronted him about this and he became angry, and now I feel that I am the one who is wrong. He says that it's just chat and is harmless. Why would he do this knowing I would be hurt. He admits that they text occasionally. He has now deleted his Facebook account, but I feel bad that he has done this. Am I right by acting in the way I have????
View related questions:
facebook, flirt, his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): yes he has deleted her number as I watched him do it. I know that he has never cheated on anyone before, and he swears that this will not happen again. I do keep in contact with only 1 ex, and he knows about this as I am open about it. I knew they kept in contact and that is not the issue.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): He may have deleted it but he may have another one and, is using other means to contact the Ex.
I say dump him. He can't even be a responsible, accountable Man and he wants her back otherwise he would not have said he would be with her if she didn't dump him.
Probably because he is a serial cheat and did the same thing to her as he is doing to you.
He needs womens attention via online to feed his ego- serial cheats tend to be sex addicts.
Dump him and find someone HONEST and MONOGAMOUS.
...............................
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (23 February 2012):
Nothing that causes hurt can be classed as harmless. I would give it a chance but still watch him within reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): He has deleted his facebook account but has he deleted her number?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): He did it behind your back. That is because he knew it was inappropriate. He should be watched.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): there is a big difference between normal conversation and secretly flirting behind your back. i think you need to do more snooping. people who turn snooping into an issue would not say the same in the same situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (23 February 2012):
He said to her "he wouldn't have met me if she hadn't dumped him" It does not seem he is with you as his first choice. He got angry because you was not supposed to see it. He`s not sounding like a safe bet long term.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): if they were flirty messages then keep a close eye on it. people only flirt with those they find attractive.
...............................
A
female
reader, Vickster8511 +, writes (23 February 2012):
Vickster8511 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe both have access to each others Facebook accounts, I was just putting some silly pics on for him as we occasionally do. I asked him if he would be happy if I were 'flirting' with one of my ex's-and his answer was no! I trust him but I have been cheated on in the past on the Internet. I love him so much and he's the one I want to be with forever. I just feel jealous for no reason at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 You are wrong for snooping. But something made you think you had to.
He is wrong for leading his ex on with that kind of talk and keeping it from you.
If he knows it upsets you and has truly deleted his facebook page and ends contact with the ex I'd be inclined to give him a second chance...
...............................
A
female
reader, babylove2010 +, writes (23 February 2012):
my ex snopped on my facebook and found a few flirty conversations i had with an old male friend id known for 15 yrs but hadn`t seen for 10 yrs he was like a brother to me back then we was always like that it meant nothing he made such a big deal of it even dumped me as he believed i wanted to sleep with this friend which of course was outrageous this guy stayed in my home when he came to visit us he was my sister`s best friend as well has her boss,if my ex had asked me who this guy was i would have explained but jumping to conclusions did a lot of damage so even if your hurt trust and believe in what your boyfriend is saying it was harmless
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): Facebook again! I think all couples should remove their accounts unless they are totally secure in their relationships!
It probably was harmless chatter, they have history, he wasn't hiding the fact he is with you, he told her he wouldn't have met you if she hadn't dumped him...thats a compliment. She is probably in a relationship herself.
Why on earth are you looking at his FB page anyway? To me thats 'checking up' on him, like you don't trust him - do you have any other doubts?
Anyway he's deleted his account now. I dont think you were wrong to be upset, it was a shock, but he was right to be angry up to a point. You invaded his space.
...............................
|
