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anonymous
writes: Please help. I've been seeing someone casually for a while now. He won't commit to me, that's why it's casual.He says he doesn't want to be with me. I'm overweight (size 16) and he said, given a choice between me and someone whom he cybered with who was slim, he'd choose her. "Why have a lump of meat when you can have steak?" he said.I've never felt good about my own body but what he said to me hurt me more than anything. He says he loves me (maybe twice said in 3 yrs) yet he says he loves everybody on planet the same. I'm not special, I'm just a person.He comes to see me when it suits him. We used to have sex a lot, but now even that he doesn't seem interested in. Now how can he think anything of me if he would pick someone else over me cos they are slim and I'm not?What's wrong with me? He wondered why I got upset when he said it. I gave up a 14 yr marriage for him because I fell in love, then he met me and dumped me. He still sees me when it suits him, but with no commitment or relationship. He says he's not using me cos I kept pestering him and that he only comes cos I ask. That he could easily never see me againI'm hurting so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): There is nothing wrong with you. What's wrong is with him. He told you he could leave you easily because it gives him power over you when he says that and you believe him. Whoever is most willing to leave a relationship has the power and since you want so much to be with him...you're giving him power. Sixteen isn't a huge size, and even if it was, someone who loves you would not use your weight against you like that. You are in an emotionally abusive relationship and you will never be happy with this man. If you stay with him, things will not change. I am speaking from years of my own and other client's experience. Get out. Cut him out of your life. Learn to be OK by yourself. THEN the man of your dreams will come to you. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2005): Somebody has said this to me before, in not so many words ie he wished I was blonde, thin and looked more like a porn star(!). I'm short, size 16 too and have mad red hair, but this did not stop me from chucking him out immediately.Soon after,the phone calls began and he came crawling back, writing and calling at three am. Sadly, for him, it was me that met 'someone better'and I was already engaged to someone else. I told the idiot not to call again and have been married to my (decent)man for four years and he has never complained about my looks.Anyone who is worth your time won't either.Think about it, this man is merely holding you back from all the proper men ready to give you the attention and loyalty you deserve.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (29 March 2005):
 Oh honey... Ditch him... get rid!!!... You are far far more special that he will ever be!! Don't ever forget that!To say those things to you is sinful... But hey, where does he always come running back to? You! That's how many other woman that are really interested in him! He tells you all these things about you being too large etc, that's just a shape, not a person! Making out he can go and get better... well, tell him if he thinks he can then get out of your life for good! If he really was worth anything at all he would not be saying those things to you... Delete his numbers from your phone and cut all ties now.. move on.. to a better new you. Don't let someone else drag you down... you're special, loving and caring, and deserve to find someone that will treat just as you are!Take careAnd all the best
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 March 2005):
 Be strong, tell him to clear off. He has some serious issues. It isn't you, it's him. You deserve someone to treat you well, not with contempt.He has hurt you so much, don't allow him to hurt you anymore. He is using you when it is fitting for him. Stand up to him and ignore all that he says. You are a warm, caring person, this is evident from your writing. He doesn't deserve you, not the other way around.Please be strong and kick him into touch. Then work on building your confidence. Talk to friends, learn a new interest, try to go out more. Leave him behind.You can do so much better than him and always remember this.Good luck.
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