A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What steps should my (ex) boyfriend and I take to get back together? Last year I was in a great relationship, we had plans for the future, we had an amazing sex life and we adored each other. Or so I thought. My fella cheated was accused of cheating on me with a women he works with. He has always denied this and still does even till this day. He admits he would flirt with her, but he never 'touched her'. She, however, constantly told me what had happened and I choose to leave the relationship as I had been convinced that what she said had happened, did happened. My fella never give up though and now I believe him as more and more time has passed and it just doesn't make sense to me that he would cheat on me when we had such a great relationship. We had so much in common, we made each other laugh, he told me every day he loved me, and he always did little things to make me smile. I overlooked this when he was accused. I have asked him if he wants to try and get our relationship back to what it was and he told me that he definitely wants that. However I'm not sure on what to do, what stages a reconnection takes and what would be the best route. I feel terrible for not believing him and I know he feel bad for someone lying to me but I don't want us always stuck on sorry mode. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2015): I agree with BrownWolf on one point-you'll be tested again.At one point or another. We all are.Sooo...how will you react to that? How will he react to that? What are you coping mechanisms if he is tempted/you're tempted? Will you discuss those in private?Btw, from your post it seems you believe him and he did NOT actually cheat, he was just alleged to have done so.Thing is we can believe whatever we like-some believe in evolution, others don't, some believe in Christ, others in Allah etc. etc. Just an example. A very stupid one maybe and I apologise if anyone takes it the wrong way (it is not meant to offend, just to show the huge differences in belief in things that are basically nearly impossible to prove,such as faith. You have no proof, you just believe).SO, in my opinion-first you have to be 100% clear in your heart. Who does your heart believe: him or her?People can be vicious. Maybe she wants him for herself,who knows? But,also,maybe she went through hell in a similar situation before and is now trying to warn you?Maybe you'll never know, so what you BELIEVE is very important.Do you BELIEVE you two can make it? Therein lies your answer. Everything you do, you do after you establish that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2015): I'm sorry but I've been in almost exactly your situation and I still think that what the woman is saying will have some truth in it. I was on the point of selling my flat to by a larger property with my (now ex) partner, having amazing sex, told each other several times a day that we loved each other and wouldn't have believed for a minute that he was having an affair. I'd go back to her, in person if you can, and really try to get to the bottom of what happened, once and for all.It's very unlikely that a woman will say that a male colleague of hers had an affair with her - unless she really is very messed up, NO woman would want that kind of reputation and she wouldn't bring it on herself.Exactly how did this woman tell you about what happened? Did she contact you first? We need more details on this. Does anyone else that you know, really know her, in an unbiased sense? Is she a generally stable and nice person?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 April 2015):
 Why was the woman he cheated with telling you the "lies" what did she benefit from by telling you things?
So you would be OK with emotional cheating but not physical cheating? Cause even if he did not have sex with her, he had an emotional affair.
where to start? that's up to you two.
so I have a question... if he says to you in 6 months that he wants to go away for a boys weekend... how will you feel, what will you think?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (21 April 2015):
If you are this unsure if you should get back together...DON'T!!! If the love you had was still there, it would be as easy as falling into his arms again. There would be no "stages" to reconnect.
If you two were as solid as you think you were in the beginning, it would not be so easy for another woman to come between you. That in itself was a test, and you failed. What will happen down the road when you are tested again?? And do not think for a second you will not be tested.
Every relationship is tested...and tested even harder once you say those vows. If it is that easy to spilt you up before the vows, imagine what is waiting down the road.
If you have even the slightest doubt in you, then leave this relationship where it is.
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