A
female
age
30-35,
*smile007
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years...last summer we basically split up because I found that he was cheating on me and on top of that the girl was pregnant with his child...I Also was pregnant with his child he told me he was happy for us and told all of his family... Out the blue he started acting funny staying out late ...lying saying he had to work and then not coming home ...come to find out he was with her... With this being my first pregnancy I was worried and scared...because I didn't habit the support of my family like I wanted ...we had gotten into,an argument told him to leave which he did...he kept telling me to get abortion because he didn't know how he was going to take care of our child and etc...I personally do not believe in that at all...my family wasn't any better telling me I should get a abortion to because they didn't want me to raise the child alone with out help... Long short I did that ..he got upset about and I was devastated beyond belief... We ended up getting back together we are happy with each other but of course I have major trust issues and with him moving back in he feels like he doesn't have to pay bills right now because he doesn't make More than I do...he keeps,saying he has other priorities...like this child with the girl and other stuff...I feel he should help me regardless of any of that...he can't keep staying here for free...now the babymomma is way younger than I and it hurts that she got to keep her child ...I feel like he didn't want me to keep my child because he was so involved with her...for the past two weekends he has been spending the night 3 days with his brother and now this weekend with his ...mother...why is he doing this...I feel like this is alibi to go spend time with that girl and his child...why can't he just be honest with me...should I just let him go all together for my own sanity... Thank you for taking the time to read and help me out
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 March 2015):
OMG dear OP,
You've already been given great advice. I don't need to add anything except another voice that tells you:
Kick him out!
You deserve so much better.
I agree with the other agony aunts that while this abortion was a tough decision and a difficult experience, it set you free from this man. Be glad there is NOTHING that obliges you to stay in contact. You can move on completely, start a new life, have a real family one day with a supporting husband and loving father. This man will never step up to the task and I'm sorry for the woman who depends on his support.
This man adds nothing good to your life. For the moment, you're better off alone, trust me. It's not that hard living by yourself, and it's definitely better than living with the wrong company.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2015):
 Oh sweetie!
I'm so sorry for you having to have gone through all this. I have to say this, IF he is living with you but not paying bills, because his money goes to HER and HER child? I'd kick him out, SHE can have him.
HE cheated on you. Not only that but he had UNPROTECTED SEX with her. THAT means he could have brought home ALL kind of STD's TO YOU, and NOT cared.
KICK him out. PUT yourself first.
CUT the contact.
One thing though. SHE didn't "get" to keep her child, she REFUSED ( I bet you) to abort. And she is NOW tied to this guy because of this child. As much as I know you feel like the abortion was something "wrong" BE GLAD you are not TIED to this man.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. The guy is a piece of CRAP human being. AND YOU, young lady.. YOU DESERVE so much better.
SO yes, KICK him out. He can take care of himself, you are NOT responsible for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): Get out now while you can. Before you are stuck like the other woman. Forgive yourself and move on with your life. Seriously. Every single aspect of what you said is not good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): Reading your story made my blood boil on your behalf.
He is the lowest of the lowest and YOU CAN DO WaY BETTER.
Why on earth did you get back with him?
Just leave his stuff outside the door and change the locks!!!
You need to work on your self esteem because you would not be with this guy if you loved yourself and cared about yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): Yes, you already know that you must let this 'man' go. He has broken your trust and you keep playing along with his ridiculous games, hoping that the trust will come back. When someone breaks your trust it degrades you as a person - your whole sense of self value drops and, from that downgraded position, you start to make different kinds of decisions than you would if you had never had your trust broken and if you had better self esteem and self value. This is how men degrade women and keep them in a place where they never regain their self esteem - do something incredibly hurtful to the woman and forever after she can be trying to win back his trust and inside feeling like she has no real value.The ONLY real way out of this is to internally REFUSE the degraded position he has put you in and to act as if you have very high self regard and self esteem. This will feel really strange and, for now, it is very much a kind of 'fake it til you make it' strategy. You have to try to remember a time when you felt great about yourself and your abilities and strengths as a woman. If you never felt like that then do everything you possibly can to imagine being such a woman. Yes, in a way you are "fooling" yourself that you can be something better. But sometimes in this kind of situation we need to just have this kind of belief until the real feelings for ourself kick in again. Kick him out, start a new life. Take time to recover from the trauma of an unwanted abortion and get counselling for that. Discipline yourself not to think so much of the negatives and the past. Practice thinking positively and for the future. Absolutely without doubt, 100%, this idiot is fully taking advantage of you and messing around with your life and your feelings. Metaphorically speaking, kick him to the ground and walk away. Don't look back, look forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): Read your post. If this was your best friend, or sister writing this issue you know you would tell them to kick him out and move on.It is highly likely the guy is staying with that girl, and then living rent free with you when he is not. Stop allowing him to use you. Tell him to leave and be firm about it. The man got another woman pregnant and he will feel like he got away with it, because you took him back and he doesn't even have to contribute to living with you!!Please learn most from this experience is that you shouldn't allow anyone else to make decisions regarding what you do with your body and that will affect your life. Your family, and this arsehole boyfriend, suggested you had an abortion - and maybe at the time you felt they were right - but you are clearly hurting from this. Whether you kept the pregnancy or not, it wouldn't have made him a better person towards you. You would have still been better off on your own than with him. I suggest you try and talk to a doctor, they may be able to signpost you to counselling services to deal with the emotions after an abortion.While you are with him, you will never be able to put the feeling that she got to keep her baby and you didn't aside. He will be in that child's life forever, and therefore he will be in touch with the other woman too. I think you deserve better than that. Realise you are worth more, this man doesn't deserve you. He put you through hell by cheating on you - which would be bad enough - but he also got someone else pregnant. So whilst he was sleeping with you he was sleeping with someone else, with no protection and that shows just how much he cared. He could've given you any STI's/STD's or even HIV by having unprotected sex outside of your relationship. Whilst he can do what he wants to his body - you are an innocent party and if he had an ounce of respect for you he would not have done that. See this man for the scumbag he is, kick him out of your house and try to move on with your life.
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