A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year, i guess u could say a bit longer than that but we spent a few months getting to know each other 1st. Through out the course of the year, i suspected he was up to no good, he called me another womans name in an argument, and i saw her name in his outgoing calls. he was very secretive. anyway, 1 week ago it came out he has been in a relationship with a woman for the last 2 years. to say i'm devastated is an understatement, i visualised marriage and kids with this man. at first he wouldn't admit to it, she kept sending me messages so he fessed up he had been with her for 6 months prior to meeting me and when he met me she was diagnosed with an illness and he felt he couldn't leave her while she was going through this tough time. the thing that hurts the most is he took her into his new house he moved into in january and kept sleeping with us both up until 4 months ago when he decided to tell her he had moved on. i am the type of girl who always said i'd walk as soon as some1 cheated, but for some reason i feel like i don't want to. i do - but i don't. i'm so hurt but i think maybe i could forgive him, but i want him to know how much he's hurt me. he has cried infront of me, and apologised every day but i just don't know. can anyone who's been in this situation give any advice? i just don't know what to do. we are at a wedding in 2 weeks, i said i'd wait until then to see what happens but i just don't know :(
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female
reader, Candycane1234 +, writes (28 June 2012):
 He was cheating on you and her. She had an illness and he cheated on her, what a jerk. I've been where you are, love messes with your mind. The main thing to think about here is he may cheat on you with someone else, he is capable of it. I've seen it happen around me before I know a guy who slept with a girl who had a boyfriend, he knew about it at the time I believe then they ended up together and she cheated on him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): yes he cheated with me - but i was cheated too! i didn't know.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (27 June 2012):
 I`m not sure that you have this the right way round. He was actually cheating with you, not on you. I would forget about forgiving him and concentrate more on his worth. You may have a future with him, but I don`t see it being a happy one.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (27 June 2012):
Ok - I have a question for you.
I have this car Im leasing. For the last two years, it has left me stranded on numerous occasions, the brakes regularly go out causing me multiple accidents, it guzzles gas, the heat and air conditioning doesnt work, and Ive had to replace the engine and transmission three times each.
My question is this - in two weeks I have the option to buy this car, in which case the contract stipulates that its the only car I can ever drive for the rest of my life. Should I go ahead and buy it?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 June 2012):
 You must understand. He didn't cheat *on* you. He cheated *with* you on his girlfriend. You are his woman on the side. You were not his primary relationship.
Your entire relationship has been a lie. You thought about a future with him with marriage and kids because he led you to believe that you were his only woman. You weren't.
The sooner you come to grips with the fact that not only did he devastate you with this lie, but he committed the greater crime of devastating his girlfriend by dating you behind his back, the sooner you can get over him.
You should also be terrified of spending another day with him. Here's why. Not only did he convince you for a year that you were the only woman, but he lived a successful double life with another woman while cheating on her. This should make him untouchable and repulsive to you. How do you know there aren't others? How do you know he's left her? How do you know he won't do it again? He is a fantastic actor and a sociopath.
Your heart shouldn't be wavering right now. Your heart should be RUNNING. Your heart should be OUTRAGED. The very idea, the very essence, the very thought of the man you fell in love with does not and never did exist. You fell in love with a lie, and now that this lie has been uncovered, you want to go back to that lie. That lie is gone. The man you've been with has been a scam artist. A sham. A liar. He isn't who you thought he is.
You must run as fast as you can. Don't hesitate. Don't show mercy or forgiveness. Now that you know the score, if you stay with him, you will destroy, and I mean DESTROY FOREVER your own life. Do not have kids with him. Don't allow another day with him and you together.
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A
female
reader, SierraLake +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Ive been in a similar situation before and i never ever want to see anyone have to go through it! And how you said that you thought youd walk as soon as you ffoound out but you cant:( i felt that way too. So your not alone. But what i did was make certain restrictions for him. Like you cant tak to this girl now. And you cant...whatever you see nessicary to keep this from happening again. It has worked for me and i feel like he thinks he is bettering himself now. Which is good also. I also dont believe that just because he cheated once doesnt mean he will do it again. Although make sure he knows how bad he hurt you! He should cry and say sorry for weeks after! But ultimently its your descion and no one elses. Good Luck!
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