A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been now dating for 3 years, he cheated on me with a prostitute but told me everything that happened straight after and asked me for forgivness. Ive been trying so far to forgive him and move on but i just feel our relationship is so fake, i love him alot but i feel a large amount of anger or jealously towards him when he goes out with his friends or anybody! I hate that i do this and its causing a bigger problem, im always feeling miserable and whenever he brings up someone i get annoyed. How can i stop it completely and is it from the fact im not dealing with his cheating so well? I need him to know its killing me but all he seems to wanna do is get over it. How can i know he is telling the truth and wants to be with me and how can we earn back trust so i dont have this crappy feeling over me all the time? I have told him that its hard for me to trust him and he says he understands, but i just feel like he will do it again.
View related questions:
cheated on me, jealous, move on, prostitute Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fireball  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 The fact that he came and confessed straight away is an indication of some remorse on his part. The fact that you want to forgive him probably means you love him 'unconditionally'.
CAUTION: Do not go easy on him. Make sure he recognizes the consequences of his actions. If he so much as makes an offhand remark about prostitutes/strippers/other women in a lewd way - HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE.
Trust is something that can only be regained with time. Your insecurity is normal. I suggest a 'strong' talk with him, and tell him straight up he needs to make you feel like you're the only one in his eyes.
IF it happens a second time, dump him and make sure you expose him in front of everyone.
A
female
reader, fireball +, writes (14 October 2012):
The fact that he came and confessed straight away is an indication of some remorse on his part. The fact that you want to forgive him probably means you love him 'unconditionally'.
CAUTION: Do not go easy on him. Make sure he recognizes the consequences of his actions. If he so much as makes an offhand remark about prostitutes/strippers/other women in a lewd way - HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE.
Trust is something that can only be regained with time. Your insecurity is normal. I suggest a 'strong' talk with him, and tell him straight up he needs to make you feel like you're the only one in his eyes.
IF it happens a second time, dump him and make sure you expose him in front of everyone.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 I'd guess you're feeling jealous and insecure because deep down you know he's up to no good. He had sex with a prostitute? Get out. In order to have sex with a prostitute he has to think about it beforehand, arrange it ahead of time, and PAY HER. It's not like where things got out of control with a party or something. Some guys feel like sex with a prostitute is cheating because they don't know the woman. The kind of guy who cheats on his girl with a prostitute doesn't do it just once and doesn't feel bad about it. Get out of there while you're still young and find someone who truly cares for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, xIsabella.Harryx  +, writes (20 June 2010):
Yeah, walk away hunny. while you're still young and there's nothing holding you down. he doesn't deserve you and as much as you try, you'll never really forgive him. can you honstly see yourself still with him in 10 years time and being happy? it will always be in the back of your mind and you'll wish you'd walked away sooner. Even if you love him, and it might take a while to get over him... there's someone out there for you that wouldn't dream of treating you like that!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): I am not sure why you forgave him...I'm confused. You are right to feel all those things. He betrayed you. Fortunately you are young. You are not married. You don't have kids. Still confused as to why you are still with him and why you want to try to work things out after this betrayal...
I'll be honest with you, I have been cheated on a couple times before and I have never had an issue showing the guy the door. That shouldn't be something you should ever forgive or discuss or think about. When and if a guy cheats on you that should always be an automatic show him the door tell him to walk and not look back. Straight up. I certainly would not want to be with someone who thinks so little of me so as to do that.
I was lucky though that growing up I had really good guy friends who always gave me really good advice. One thing one of my guy friends said to me at a young age was that if a guy cheats on you he doesn't love you. He said a guy who loves a girl would never cheat on her. Its the truest thing and the best advice I have ever gotten. So let me ask you, why, why, why are you still with a guy who doesn't love you?
Forget this guy!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): There are two SEPARATE issues here that you have interlinked... First, his cheating- which you appear to be willing to forgive him (if you weren't reacting so badly) and second how your reacting. If you've heard his story and are willing to forgive him - FORGIVE HIM. If you say your willing but CAN NOT, then you need to work on why you can not.
If you really feel that the relationship is fake, and there's no hope please end it now and let him go find someone else to be with, and you can then start dealing with this insecurity that this has brought on- either way you are going to HAVE to deal with these emotions- what you need to decide is do you want to do it with him or with out him?
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (20 June 2010):
 He didn't show any remorse and is not concerned about your feelings. The crappy feeling you have is your guts telling you this guy is not right for you. He wants to do whatever he feels like at the moment. It's okay to hang out with friends, but he should be really spending more time with you because you are hurt. That's a different feeling than being possessive. Dump him.
...............................
A
male
reader, george3 +, writes (20 June 2010):
 seems this guy is driving you up a wall. try talking with him, if you truly love him, then let it go one more time will be enough evidence that you cant trust him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): Why are you still there? you are so young. He went out and PAID for a prostitute. This wasn't a situation that got out of hand. I'm in your age group and It be crazy to stay with a man like that, you got no kids by him nothing holding you to him.
...............................
|
