A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over three years. He ended up cheatin on me wen he had to move back home earlier this year. i haven't forgiven him as such but i am givin him a second chance. i can't stop thinkin that he is lyin to me i know i'm partly paranoid because of what he's done but at the same time i feel like this is ruinin any chance of us moving on, yet i cannot move on until i get the answers i need from him like why he did it. wen i do ask all i get told is i dunno or i jus did which isn't good enuf. this girl has caused nothing but problems for us as she got me sacked from my last job wen he left her to come back to me. i know deep down he isn't doin anything wrong but i keep havin ago at him and making him feel i distrust him. I know people out there will say he cheated move on fair enuf but to be honest i don't need to hear that i jus need to know how to deal with paranoiathanks
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female
reader, sexi  +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Hi
You should have a serious chat with your bf. Ask him what he wants. If he wants to work things out then he should act like it,if he doesnt then you cant have the hope of being together and you should therefore go your seperate ways. I think that if he decided that he wants to be with you then you should set up some boundaries/rules.I think that you should tell your bf that you dont like the fact that he is so interactive with all the females at work (i know it sounds paranoid but after what he has done to you you have a right to be)He would probably say that he has to but i dont think he has to tell you about it. Tell him you would prefer if you didnt know what happened bet. him and those females. After what has happened he should be more thwn ok to "do as you say".Let him know what this other girl is doing to you and it would be nice if he could take a stand;He should make it clear that he doesnt want to be with her and he feels nothing for her.As for you,you should get a restaining order against her to make sure that she stays away from you and that she doesnt interfere in your life.Change your email adress of you have to and try to avoid her (she is a walking destruction waiting to happen)
Good Luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the adivce. I have tried dealin with it by myself but this girl made me loose my job over 3months ago and i haven't been able to get another one, i walk round a local shopping centre and she's there throwin milkshakes and food at me or callin me names and followin me, she kept emailin me tellin me she was with him and they were still sleepin together which deep down i didn't believe but after everything it was hard to just sit there and think wot a load of bull. the worst thing rite now is that he keeps goin on about girls he works with she did this she did that we both done this together and its not like he's jus obsessed for lack of a better word, with a new friend so then it brings up how he acted earlier in the year and then all the questions come up
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A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (20 November 2007):
Hi
I completely understand what you are going through. My bf text a girl that liked him for a long time and i found out about it. I was devastated b/c i felt that he had betrayed me.You shouldnt worry about what people say b/c only you know what you are feeling and moving on is easier said then done. I know that you are hurt by what your bf did but you dont wanna give up so easily. You say that you have given him a secind chance and that you want to move forward. This happened to me in June and i couldnt get over it. I kept asking questions and bringing it up, until oneday he exploded. He told me that he reallt regretted what he did and that he said that he was sorry but i should atleast give him a chance to move forward if i keeep speaking about this then how am i going to forgive him and get over it. So i decided to deal with it by myself. i dont ask any more question b/c i just end up more hurt than before. My bf also pointed out that he loves me and is with me and he aint with her b/c he doesnt want to be with her
Hang in there and take as much time as you need to get over this. Ii is really hard and i never thought i would but i did.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (19 November 2007):
 Being cheated on is one of the most hurtful things one can experience. When I found out my wife cheated on me I was devastated. I found out things about it, but I have never been given full disclosure on what made her do it and why. It hurts deep like being stabbed in the heart. That happened two years ago, and now I find myself separated and getting a divorce. The cheating is big part of why we are split. Its something you find hard to believe happened, and it makes you distrust your partner forever after that.
I forgave her for what she did. She was wrong. And she has never really apologized about it too, even denying it while I show her the unmistakable evidence that she did. Phone records, etc…
Anyway, even though it’s been two years, and we are officially separated, her act of cheating angers and makes me feel down. That kind of hurt is just hard to put aside, and the best you can do is allow time to let it heal. I’m just looking forward to my divorce so I can move on.
At the very least in your case you have a guy that has confessed and apologized for his wrongdoing. I think you can forgive him, but I know from personal experience, it’s hard to forget. Be prepared to live with it in the back of your mind always. But if you find it hard…it may be time to move on
.
All I can say is give it time. I wish you the very best.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (19 November 2007):
 Everyone makes mistakes babe, moreso i think at that age, unfortunately there are no guarantees in a relationship and sometimes i think something like that needs to happen in a relationship to make people realise what they have got.
Maybe he really does not know why he did it and maybe you should just accept that and try and move on from it, if you do keep on about it it will distroy the relationship you have now, sometimes you just have to leave the past behind you.
Take care.xx.
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