A
female
age
36-40,
*urtbylove
writes:my partner of 4 and a half years has been cheating on me for the past 6 months. the worst thing about it was i was pregnant with his daughter at the time. the affair ended a few weeks ago but i dont know if i can move on. i feel so betrayed and hurt. i would like to move on and try to get over it but its hard. i need help urgently.
View related questions:
affair, cheated on me, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): He cheated on you when you were pregnant with his child? That is the low of the low and shows no respect for you or your child. Get out of there. If he can cheat on you when you are pregnant, he is capable of anything.
A
female
reader, RAVEMORE  +, writes (18 July 2010):
How awful!
It's understandable to feel betrayed and hurt in your situation.
A few weeks is not much to process all those feelings and you have the right to take all the time you need to figure things out.
Have you discussed why he was having an affair?Is he a selfish bastard who only thinks about his pleasure and fun? Do you know the "other woman"? Does your partner have a history of unfaithfulness? Were you having problems in the relationship at that time? Was the cheating purely on a sexual basis, or was the other woman the second gf?6 months is a long time. We are not talking about a one night stand.Does it mean he lied for you for 6 months or were you somewhat aware of the cheating?
Can you trust this man to be a good father? To be there for you when the going gets tough?How involved is he with raising your daughter? Is he showing support? Changing diapers, looking out for your welfare? Etc...
Do you have a good support system?
If you moved on, would you have a place to go? Would he fight for custody of your daughter?
It sounds like you still love him and want to believe in a future together.
Don't let him pressure you into forgiving him when you are not ready to do so.
He must work hard to gain your trust again, and you are in a position to ask things of him to show that he is trustworthy.
You have the right to process his cheating in your own time, to grieve as long as you see fit.
If he is willing to make things work, he will be patient and loving.
If trusting him again means he has to be home every night by 7 pm and not go out with his friends for 6 months, then, he must be willing to sacrifice his social life.
This is just an example.
If you let him get away with this too easily, he will lose respect for you and you will lose respect for yourself in the process.
The fact that you have a daughter to raise makes things more difficult, but it shouldn't be a reason for him to think that he's got it made and you'll keep him around just because he's the dad.
Personally, I think men who cheat on their pregnant gfs are pond scum.
I hope you get to mend your broken heart and find joy in taking care of your daughter, whose love must be a comfort and a joy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): There is no set way to get over someone so it will be hard work, in my opinion you should be straight out there and then just try to get over him as soon as possible because he sounds like a total prick
...............................
|
