| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, i have been dating a man since June, taking it slowly and carefully as there are children involved on both sides. I called his landline on Saturday morning somewhat unexpectidly as i was confirming our meeting to see the New Year in together. Upon answering said that he would call me back. Alarm bells started to ring and later admitted that he had been seing another woman since September and that they were in bed together when i called. I am devestated, in a complete mess, taking alot of codeine to help ease the pain. We both work for the same large healthcare service, although not in the same town.feeling ashamed and dirty but want him back desperatley. Somebody please help me dont see an end to this agony in sight.
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female
reader, rammsteinfan  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 My heart broke when I heard what happened to you! I am so sorry to hear that your heart was broken to bits by this man!! I know that you love him so, because you want him back!! And finding another guy is so far from your mind! Time will heal your heart....it does even though you don't believe it at this time!
You didn't say if you live in the same town or not, because you said that you work at the same company but in different towns.
I wish you the very best in what ever you decide to do!!
Please let me know what happens...please!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): No woman deserves this, hun. Why do you want him? Have you totally forgotten what this man did to you or what kind of person he is? When a women has a need for attachment and acceptance from a man who doesn't deserve her love, then her rational judgement is impaired. You are special and worthwhile all on your own...you don't need him. You have allowed this man's uncaring treatment of you take away something you should revere and that is the ability to believe in yourself and know what he did was 'not' caused by anything you did. Instead of pining...get pissed off! Give yourself permission to do that-it really is healing, in a way and a lot healthier than get depressed and blaming yourself. When women get hurt, so many of them are too scared to get mad. So they get confused, hurt and depressed. The difference between being righteously angry (which you are entitled to) and passively hurt/depreseed and whiney? Energy, dear. With energy you have power and you gain strength and you rise up and realize what he did to you....was crappy. Reality hits. You say to yourself.."enough of this passive-submissive depression and wanting this jerk back-I will not cave into his selfish behaviours and the hurt he inflicted on me". We don't want you becoming a psycho stalker and exacting revenge here, dear. I just want you to understand it's ok to be pissed off when people treat you like this. Accept he's gone, and you won't waste any more time on him. There are wonderful men out there who would likely love a great woman like you. Start believeing that. Just allow yourself to heal and recover from all this. And quit thinking you are dirty and ashamed. That's called self-blame and you are feeling it's easier to do that than putting the blame where it belongs...on his shoulders. And one last thing...you need to understand...HIS actions are not connected to your self-worth. Remember that. Don't ever allow yourself to be so desperate to be wanted by a guy ...that you don't even care what kind of person he is as long as he wants you. In the future, you have to 'choose' wisely and carefully. You never sit back and wait to be chosen.
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