A
female
age
30-35,
*ixedchik2608
writes:i have been in a relationship with a guy for almost a year now. he tells me he loves me and that i'm the most important thing in his life. well, two days ago, had a very serious discussion, and i found out that two months ago he cheated on me twice with two different women. i was completely shocked. i cried and he cried as well, explaining to me that both times it was while he was drunk at a party, and that "it didnt mean anything...there was no intimacy...it was purely physical sex.." etc. he explained to me how sorry he was and how he learned that he never wanted to hurt me again....etc. etc. i decided to give him another chance but i'm finding it increasingly difficult for me to be intimate with him now, because every time we start i instantly get a picture of a him and some other girl in his room on his bed...while i'm at home waiting for him to call, and i'm immediately saddened and it takes away every wish to even be around him. i want to save our relationship because i honestly do love him, but i've lost so much respect for him.does it sound like there is any hope for me and him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): my answer to you might be kind of wierd!!
listen, love= trust+respect
if one of those was missing, then love is not there. BUT, the good news is that we cannot put a rule for everybody!!! we are diffrerent and there are different types of humanbeings, and putting one rule or theory hoping it would fit everybody will not sole EVERYBODY'S problem..
now, you are a young girl, he is young (so am i!!) but guys in that age are usually in an exploring period.. he loves you, there is no doubt about that, otherwise he wouldnt confess to you.
but you should understand the fact that the age of 20s FOR GUYS is a period whe he wants to discover women and the sexuality he had been dreaming about during his teenages..
My advise to you: mutual love doesnt come everyday, i have suffered alot to find mutual love, and you are a lucky woman.. also, mutual love once found (cuz its a difficult thing to have) it never comes on a golden plate! nothing is perfect!!! you know why? somply because NOBODY IS PERFECT! and if you are looking for perfection then you are looking for nothing..
so, if you know that you love him the way he you, try to learn how to FORGIVE. Give him as many chances as you can give... But let me tell you one thing girl,, if he doesn't know how to use those chances wisely, you will automatically reach a point where you will feel tired, and would want to move on, and that day will be the easiest day for you to move on, simply because you have lost HOPE!and you will not be sorry because you have done the best you could that there is nothing more left to do. But it will be difficult for HIM to get over you, because he will never find a woman to ove him, forgive hom and give him the chances he needs.
try to trust him again.. give him all the chances he needs.. BUT, remind him that it will not ALWAYS go that way, and that one day you will reach the red line when you have exeeded your limits and cant give him another chance.
i find you lucky... just learn how to forgive, and to be patient, and to try changing your partner to the better... and to try to realise that guys in this age are generally exploring even if they love someone in particular, SOME would keep the exploring part on the side along with the one he loves.... try to learn that, only if you really want this and if you and him are serious..
Wish you all the best :)
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