A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, its a long story.. i met this man online. i live in another country where i work and study, while he is an expact working in my homeland. I visit my homeland every 2 to 3 months. and when i met him online i was already going to visit home in 3 weeks.he sent me an invite and i accept it. he started to chat to me, and things were nice. he opened up to me by saying he just stepped out of a relationship with a girl from my country who got married to her ex. he is 45 years old and quite mature. we opened up to eachother, and even though msn was never part of my interest, i started being addicted to it and so was he.i travelled back home, all excited to meet him, i couldnt wait to meet him finally as he was on my mind all the way in the plane. so was he. he sent me his mobile number and so did i.The moment i reached home, i couldnt wait to sms him. we dated. The first date was great, and he said he found me attractive and said that he really liked me and wanted to see me again.i was supposed to stay in my country for one month as i had a show to perform (im an artist) and then go back to the other country where i study and work.after a few datings, he invited me to his house for barbeque. and i went there. one thing led to another and i pulled him for a kiss, he kissed me back, but er.. wasnt hard.. mabye he was drunk? i have no idea. we ended up doing nothing but cuddled up.he called me several times appologising. we went out with my friends and i introduced him to my girlfiends. he was so into me, we dated several times and he sent me smses expressing how comfortable he feels when he is around me and all..and then suddenly he sends me a text msg out of the blue oneday saying he wants to pull away.. he asked to see me at 3 am, and i drove all the way to him, but i simply lost it when i saw him and lost my temper and went back home with no positive response.In two or three days, i was supposed to perform in my show , and he showed up in the end.i forgave him.we went back to dating and phoning eachother.. untill 2 days before i had to leave my country and go back. i felt confused as everybody kept telling me he didnt suit me. he invited me for dinner to talk things out and i simply said i couldnt make it. i was totally confused. and he said in that case then it is a goodbye. i flew back to the country where i study.. but just couldnt stay there for more than 3 days and i came back. i asked him to see me, he refused in the beginning several times but then he agreed and we met for lunch. i felt good and travelled back to where i live.one of my friends in particular started to become kind of a close friend of his.He opened up to her and said that he is not able to forget his ex, and that he feels dead and not able to love again anymore. infact he opened up to her telling her that he was not attracted to me at all and that im not his type.then the next minute he tells her that he likes me and a part of him wants me. then the other minute says that he thinks im too obsessd with him while he is not at all into me! and all he talk about all the time with my friend is his ex...recently, i have discovered that im suffering a tumor in my head.. my best friend went and told him everything even though i never wanted anyone to know about it since it is a very prive issue. I went back to my country for a few days to rest, and he was calling me, all so concerned about me, but i just feel embarrased to meet him as i dont want anyone to sympathise with me.. im not looking for pity from anyone, especially him.. the man i love..My questions are:1- should i meet him?2-why did he call me after the first date when he is not interested? why did he have to date me over and over again?one knows what he feels right from the beginning, so why is it that he was always calling me and smsing me telling me that he feels close to me and feels at peace wih me, and expressing how nice it is to be with me..?3- should i move on? as i have an inner voice asking me to do so?4- was he being polite to me?! or what?i kind of have feelings for him, and im starting to visit my country every month!!! im not productive anymore, all i want is to finish my education where i study and work and go back to my country where he lives.
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best friend, drunk, her ex, his ex, move on, msn, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 You're welcome. Take care and have a good trip back home. I'm happy for you that it's not a tumor. I had a friend this past month who was diagnosed with a tumor, and it turned out to only be an infection as well.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,
this is just an update on the situation...
I seeked a second medical opinion for my health situation, and thank god, it appears that i have an infection. it is not a tumor.
My friend updated the guy (as usual) even though im not in speaking terms with this guy anymore.
He keeps telling my friend that he is not interested..
i will be returning back to my country next month and will be staying there for 4 months.. he knows that.
he sends me offline messages on msn asking about me from time to time though..
Thank you Rcn.. i really appreciate your reply and help.. I also have a feeling that he wants it but he is confused. Everyone tells me that it will happen eventually.. i also feel inside me now.. thanks again..
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 April 2009):
I would say, you are both not ready for a serious relationship. You're both confused, and playing this on and off game. He is by the pain of his ex, which needs healed before gong into a relationship, and you by your confusion, and not meeting with someone because you feel they are sympathizing.
You're on here asking questions where people answer, are we sympathizing, and if so is that really a bad thing. Medical problems can be real difficult, but it's those times you need friendships.
I feel you both want, but in a way are both pushing away. Figure out what you are both looking for before continuing.
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