A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now. (it will make a year in May) We've had the best relationship so far, we're so comfortable with each other and we get each other so well. I really believe he's the one. But, I recently found out he cheated on me. He never touched the girl, (kissed her, had sex with her ect) they only talked, told each other they love each other things like that. This happened back in November and December. He says that he didn't really love her, and wasn't even attracted to her, he only wanted the attention. And I believe him, I always have trusted him. (And I have trust issues so that's saying a lot) the girl is the one who told me about their little affair and she told me that they would talk about having sex. I asked him why he would talk about having sex with her and why he even talked to her if he wasn't attracted to her and he said it all boils down to him being a "horny teenager". I love this boy, and there is no one I would rather be with. But, can I trust him again? Why did he cheat? Does he really love me? And can our relationship work after he cheated? Any helpful advice?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 March 2015):
 Yep, probably not.
The excuse he gave you- in a way , it's a " good " excuse , because it's probably the truth :he is just a dumb hormonal randy teenager who gets hot and bothered talking sex.
But, obviously you are not OK with randy hormonal teenagers etc. etc., who cannot show any control over their gonads , and put selfish instant gratification above anything else. Because you know that SOME teenagers can do better than that ( like you, for instance, you haven't gone around drooling over all the school hunks, right ? ) and you know that your bf is not among them. So, if you choose to hang on tight to the most " hormonal " ones, your choice, but you know what it is most probably going to happen. His temptation threshold seems rather low, some time soon his hormons will take over again.
Plus, pardon my bluntness, but.. your bf sounds like really a d..khead.
What ?, he talks about feelings, he says he LOVES the other girl, i.e. he toys with her feelings and raises emotional ( not sexual only ) expectations... and he did not even like the girl, was not even ATTRACTED to her ??? He did it just for the attention, just to gratify his ego ?...
Tell me, how would you like to be in the other girl's shoes, and meet some son-of-a-gun who toys with your feelings like that, just for s..t and grins ?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 March 2015):
 You are a "horny teenager" too, right? Yet have you cheated on him? My guess is no. Being a "horny teen" doesn't EXCUSE what he did. If he wanted more attention then you were giving him HE SHOULD come to you, not another girl.
Emotionally cheating (basically carrying on a lovey dovey relationship without the sex)is just as devastating for the person who is cheated on.
CAN you trust him? obviously no.
How do you think the other girl feels? She probably meant every word of what she said, and now that your BF got caught he is DISMISSING her like she is a old dirty nappy - DO you think that is a GOOD trait in your BF to treat another GIRL like that?
You had ONLY been together for 7 months when he decided that he "needed" attention from another girl... when do you think the "next" time will be? Because I have no doubt it will happen again. He isn't remorseful, he blames it on being horny.
That is like saying EVERY horny person can cheat. What the point of a monogamous relationship then?
It's up to you, but if I were you, I'd take those rose tinted glasses of and take a good hard look at how this fella treats girls.
You he CHEATED on, but CLAIMS he loves you. (though not enough to not cheat).
HE he PLAYED with her emotions and then tossed her to the side.
BOTH things are rather disrespectful and immature. But most of all..... HE isn't talking ANY responsibility for his actions. It's like some drunk driver who kills a pedestrian, well it' the alcohol's fault. NO IT'S NOT - the drunk driver CHOSE to drink, and CHOSE to drive drunk.
You are still so young. To WASTE your teen years on a boy who doesn't respect you and acts like what he did, had no consequences and that it's not his fault... it's a crying shame.
...............................
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