A
female
age
41-50,
*0anddating
writes:So I've been with my boyfriend for about a year.We have an amazing relationship he loves me I know he does BUT I've recently looked threw his phone and realized he communicates with a lot of women Text,Call, Facebook...its a lot of Mundane daily chatting but a few raised my eyebrows like one inviting him to video chat he talked to her a lot and I know I shouldn't snoop but I've Been hurt really bad in the past and even though he constantly showers me with love I cant help but to feel like he has a interest in these women or think that he is keeping his options open. I never feel the need to have a lot of men in my day to day life..... Is this just me being insecure or should I have a conversation with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Some men love the attention of other women even if they have someone in their life...it strokes their ego and self-esteem. Mine does. He is always trying to get their attention if we are out in public, but it is usually a random younger pretty women, not someone he knows, except for a newly younger divorced female co-worker he constantly talks about which, obviously, he has a crush on. That one I am keeping my eye on. But, I don't know if there has been any communication with her, because I can't bring myself to go through his phone or his computer. I have friends that have offered to though and wouldn't think twice about doing it either and with no guilt.Right now, I am blowing his attention seeking off and I don't respond at all when he talks about his female co-worker. Rather, it is all getting really old, the same things happening time and time again with the attention seeking in public and it's getting really boring too.Some men want their cake and to eat it too. I guess it's a matter of trust. If you aren't finding any sexy or flirty texts then I wouldn't concern myself too much but being who I am, I would still keep a close watch on it all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): My husband is like this. He has loads of female friends and constantly texts and emails them. He is very friendly with them all. I don't like it but he swears they are just friends and he knows where to draw the line. That may be so but I still don't like it. It is hard because to complain deems one as controlling. I have learnt to live with it but it does not make me happy and even though I don't think anything is going on I just fail to see the need for having so many female friends. He has always been this way. I don't like his female friends at all and am wary of them but he won't give them up. I don't even think they are fall backs he just enjoys listening to them and helping them. Whenever I snoop on the phone I see something I don't like so I have made it my mission not to look anymore. My coping strategy is not to let it get to me and not to show any interest in listening to anything he has to say about them or participate in any way with regard to a conversation about them. It just falls on deaf ears and I go and tidy up when he starts talking to them/ about them. Some men seem to require a lot of female attention and that is the way they function and what makes them happy. It is a case of grinning and bearing it.
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A
female
reader, Adeboyefa  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 Learn to trust your man. If he prefers those women to you,he wouldn't be with you. Even if he keeps only male friends,how sure will you be that he isn't gay?
Don't you have male friends on Facebook,etc too?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): its completely natural for a person to think they might be sharing their partner especially when the partner's amazing! but if he's interested in those women and he's leaving his options open, then surely he wouldn't be with you, right? there wouldn't be a need to be with you if he didn't love you. so i think, you need to think about that and keep repeating, "he loves me. he's with me." hopefully you'll feel much better. hope you do x!
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (12 February 2014):
Ok, stop.
Stop with the lame "I've been hurt in the past" justification for snooping through your current boyfriend's phone. It isn't fair to drag your baggage from one relationship to the next.
Plenty of adults have both male and female friends. There's nothing wrong with that.
So these conversations raised your eyebrows. How? What did the chats say specifically?
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A
male
reader, EyesofJag +, writes (12 February 2014):
Maybe both...insecurity as well as talking to him. I have a lot of female friends, more so than male friends. My girlfriend knows this but she also knows most of them and sees that they are close friends and just that, platonic friends. My girlfriend also has a lot of male friends. We go most places with each other and it doesn't bother us at all. I'm the same way though...I shower her with love and tell her she's beautiful almost everyday, because she really is.
We are open when we talk to each other. We both know some of how our past relationships have been. It's not a frequent topic of conversation, but it does come up and we don't get bothered. I have been in relationships where the moment you mention an ex, it all goes bad and it shouldn't be that way.
Do be careful about mentioning that you went through his phone. I understand you've been hurt. I have been hurt as well as my current girlfriend. That's how it goes sometimes. Really evaluate yourself and be mindful of bringing up the subject. You don't want to come off as accusatory or stand offish. He shows you he loves you constantly. Keep that in mind.
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