A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all:)okay so here is my question...i met this guy online about 6years ago. A year later i finally agreed to meet him, and it was great - no awkward silences etc. It felt as if i had known him my whole life.he works on cruise ships, and lives in a different country than I do - so after meeting he would always come over for a weekend when he was vacation (like every 6months). after meeting for the 4th time, we decided to try and see each other (i.e. Bf/gf), it didn't work out, i guess the distance was too much for a relationship.so we had a big fallout and started talking a year later. I met my current bf, and my friend would always make fun of him in a joking way and say that he cant give me what i need etc.i decided to meet with him twice throughout the year as friends only, as i have a bf, but friend did try to kiss me a few times, and one late night on msn basically declared that he liked me and wants to come home to me and said that i really have no idea how many times he thinks about me - however, the next day, and even to this day, he says that he doesn't remeber saying any of that stuff. Which i don't get cause it was a long conversation and he was declaring all of his feelings, and that he wanted us to be serious?!so i met him again on his vacation, and it was good. We are just best friends really. However, a few weeks ago he invited me to his country and even arranged to come over to my country on his holiday.also, he always leaves me a good.morning message every morning. However, a few days ago i noticed that he changed his relationship status to "in a relationship". I messaged him asking about this as I was and still am very happy for him. He messaged back saying he met this person for a weekend before he went back to work (so before he asked me to go visit him and for him to visit me this year). He said "you are a great person, and i do like you. I just wanted to tell you in the right way and the right time about my gf".I'm confused, since saying this we haven't spoke ... Which is odd as we talk everyday - also, why did he say that to me in his message? What did he mean? And why did he ask me to go and see him and for him to see me if he was seeing this other girl?please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): Well folks,its me the girl who wrote this question.i respected that he was in a relationship and didn't talk go him. He then chatted to me yesterday saying how he "cant say no to me", "wishes i was there with him for Easter" and "that he wants all with me". I told him that if he is gonna be with his gf, then be with her and to stop messaging me things like that. He then said that him and his gf have only met once and that i know what he likes and vice versa. I told him, exactly what everyone here wrote - "how do you expect to have a healthy and happy relationship with this person if your gonna message me things like that". He continued to say things, then i said that i was glad i didn't meet him last time, and that i feel sorry for his gf already as its only been a week. Much to my suprise he then deleted me from Facebook.. I am quite shocked as, altho i was a bit cheeky, i was being a good friend and telling him not to say things like that to me.but owell, that's that.
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (17 April 2014):
I agree with the others. If you would like to have a meaningful relationship with your boyfriend treat him as you would like to be treated. Playing with fire is fun but if one of your aims is to have a family and all that it would be better for you to give up extra thrills and go for that. It is amazing how a mistake can suddenly eat ten years of your life and lose choices for you, that you would have liked to have. Enjoy and value what you have.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (17 April 2014):
 It's a blessing in disguise that he's seeing someone and has stopped talking to you. I know you don't see it, but what you two have been doing is unfair to your boyfriend. If my partner woke up every morning to good morning texts from their ex or someone of a similar nature, I'd be extremely uncomfortable with that. and also for him to profess his feelings, whether or not he remembers it, is very over the line for you having a boyfriend. Lastly, it also seems as though you really wanted him to mean it when he said he liked you, as you seemed bummed out he claimed not to remember.
If you were your boyfriend, would you like that? I think it's best you let him go, as you two weren't *really* friends in the first place, and this way, you can both really put your hearts fully into your relationships; both mentally and emotionally - which you haven't been doing. not all the way, at least, whether you realize it or not.
Your "friend" probably realized he cannot have a healthy and fair relationship with another woman as long as he keeps up what he has with you. so that's probably why conversation has ceased.
Try not to analyze why. Just let it be. You're better off now.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 April 2014):
 Are you still in a relationship with the boyfriend that this cruise ship "friend" makes fun of? If so, did you TELL this boyfriend you have that you were stepping out and going on vacations with this other guy?? Because that's not cool!
All of your problems can be traced to NOT cutting things off with him when you got into another relationship. You can't be "just friends" with this guy. You're selling your boyfriend short by carrying on this emotional affair, and that's exactly what it is.
This guy doesn't want to see you anymore because he now has a girlfriend, so stop seeing him! When people get into relationships, they are MONOGAMOUS. This means that you are a one man kind of girl, and you day one woman men. This doesn't mean you get a free pass to go run around behind your boyfriend's back with the dreaming adventurous ex who makes fun of him. If I ever ran into an ex who made fun of the guy I'm with, I would rip him a new one right then and there, and I HAVE done so because one of my exes tried doing just that.
This is not a matter of confusion. This is a matter of doing what is right by your boyfriend, and him doing right by his girlfriend. Stay faithful. Cheating is not cool, and yes, emotional cheating is still cheating and you need to stop. Once you cut all contact and this cruise ship guy is blocked, deleted, and dead to you, then your "confusion" will clear up right quick and you can finally move on and give the man you're with the devotion he deserves.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 April 2014):
 He was basically keeping you on the back burner until he found a replacement, which he now has.
By you still responding to his messages, even as a 'friend', you gave out the message that even though you were in a relationship, you weren't 'off limits' to him (or any man). So, being a hot blooded male, he tried hard to entice you back in his bed. Games in other words.
Forget him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 April 2014):
He wants sex. Who cares about the rest if you're just friends?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 April 2014):
 Your friend has a new girlfriend and he's trying to tell you that he's no longer interested in talking to you. I think it's time to let him go, you seem to be hanging on to something that isn't really there.
If you are really confused, you could ask your boyfriend for advice but I have a feeling that you haven't shared this friendship situation with your boyfriend? Especially as old friend tried to kiss you and made some boyfriend-like statements.
How can you be this confused? You are in your mid 30s, right? Is your current boyfriend local to you or is he another long distance type of boyfriend?
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