A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Need your opinion.My bf and I had been on a long distance relationship for about 4 years. We have talked about moving in together, but it does not seem to happens for several reasons. On May we were going to buy a place, but the deal did not go through;. then we decided to rent by sept., but now is being posted pone to November. Last week when I visited him, I looked at some places to rent, but he seems not much into the moving in together as I am. Honestly, I had been waiting to move in with him for more than a year now and it seems not to happen. I am frustated 'cause I had declined a lot of oportunity to move up on my career because I am been trying to move to another state.I had expressed my feeling to him, but all he says is that he is scared to carry on a baggage later on if our relationship does not work.I need an advice. He says I am pushing him too, but I have waited more than a year to move in. How long should i wait? I just want to settle in life, I am tired of traveling back and forth and not having a permanet place. I would move in right now if he ask me to, but he does not make up his mind..... It is never a good time for him, there is always an excuse..What do I do?
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female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (29 August 2008):
 i would be tired of waiting, too. 4 years is a long time! on one hand, yes, he is giving up his bachelorhood and that can be intimidating but... you're giving him years of your life!! it's about time to figure out if this will become something substantial or if it is time to move on.
have you told him frankly how you feel? if you have and he doesn;t seem to care or is not convinced... sorry to say it but that might be his answer.
A
male
reader, Bomopu  +, writes (29 August 2008):
I can understand why he is worried and lots of people could easily feel the same way - especially guys. But really how long are you going to wait to decide whether you are compatible or not? We're not talking about marriage yet - just see if you can live under the same roof. I think 4 years is more than enough. I never really think ultimatums are a good idea in any relationship but its also time for you to put your foot down because if you carry on like this you may find yourself in the same place in a few years time and then if you ever do manage to move in together you could find that you can't stand to live with him (or him with you). So get something sorted. Either move into his place, invite him to move in with you or get a place together but insist that you do it soon and agree a time scale. If he continually fights it by putting it off and being generally not interested in the idea it may be a good idea for you to move on. If he's got serious psychological issues with living together he should get help or leave you alone.
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