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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend can not last during sex. its getting a problem because i am getting bored. it doesn't seem to matter what position we try or condom types he just has not stamina. I have never orgasimed, i don't look forward to having sex with my boyfriend anymore because its predicatable hes bad at foreplay.I have tried to get him to do new things like ive told him what turns me on, what i would like him to do to me before intercourse.e.g. he went through a period of flicking my nipple made me feel awkward. i told him this and said if hes going to touch them he should gently caress my breasts instead. now he just grabs them which does hurt sometimes.hes got a karma sutra, ive told him positions i would like to try but he always insists on missonary which he is not any good at does nothing for me.i lost my virginity the guy before i was with my current bf i don't have a lot of experience myself wheras hes been with numerous girls.I am getting sick of having sex and then just before i feel im about to orgasim he 'goes'breaking for a few seconds doesnt work, and it then takes me a while to get back in to it because we end up breaking every 3-5 minutes.on average he only lasts about 7 minutes.any advice would be greatly appreciated.thank you x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Are you saying he gets too tired after about 7 minutes? Or that he is ejaculating prematurely? If it's because he gets too tired, then you might want to have him change his lifestyle to something healthier, as in diet andexercise. Also, try not having sex at the end of a long day right before bed when you are fatigued. If it's because he is finishing too early, then that is a different problem entirely
Either way, the real issue seems to be the fact that he is not willing to try to fix this problem with you. He may be embarrassed about premature ejaculation, but there are ways to correct taht proble. But from what you told us about how he grabs at your breasts, it really sounds like he is just not listening or trying to please you.
I think it might be time to reevaluate whether you want to stay in this relationship at all. Sexual compatability is a huge factor to a working relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): tell him you dont orgasm. and another thing to make him last longer is to grab his buttox and pace him to go slower. best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Well even though this guy may not be doing his part here, you have to take responsibility for your own pleasure too. It's good that you've communicated some of your needs to him.
It's my sincere belief that with practice, communication and a sense of humour people can learn to be really "good in bed". You're boyfriend can do many exercises to help him last longer, or if he wants there are various numbing creams available. When he masturbates, he should practice getting close to coming, then stopping, to train himself to laost longer. You, on the other hand, have some work to do to. It's not up to your boyfriend alone to make you orgasm. Why not try bring a vibrator into the bedroom? Something that you both feel comfortable with.
And don't be afraid of missionary position. It's an excellent position. Maybe leave the kama sutra for when you two are both a little more advanced :)
e
Don't feel weird for having this problem - you aren't the first. People aren't born good at sex, you have to practice. You have to know your own body, and when you share it with someone else, you have to know theirs too. This takes a lot of time.
If your boyfriend ever stopped being receptive to your suggestions, then you might have a problem. But so long as you communicate things to him sensitively and in a non-judgmental way (I'm sure he feels embarrassed) then you two can build up to more fulfulling sex for both of you.
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