A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:He and I are dear old friends. He's been married twice and widowed within a few years both times. I was married to his best friend; then my husband died.About a year and a half after my husband died we started dating. All was well, then after one particularly romantic night he told me he loved me, and I was so wonderful for him. After that I couldn't get ahold of him for 2 days, then he broke up with me. So, 2 years later--we've barely talked in all that time. But a month ago he invites me over along with some other friends, takes me aside and tells me that he invited people so that I'd come. That he loves me, and that that we are so good for each other. I'd never stopped loving him. So we started dating again, talking every day, he sent me romantic e-mails...We had a wonderful, romantic 3 weeks together. Talked about a future, talked about how happy we made each other, and how we loved each other. All good until we tried to have sex. He couldn't do it. Said it wasn't me--it was him, but the problem was psychological, and he had to work it out, and it wasn't a good time for him to be in a relationship. We agreed to remain friends, he told me he loved me and that "if it was meant to be" we'd be together. Called me the next day--we had a nice friendly chat. But I haven't heard from him in almost a week--he won't return my calls or my e-mails. I don't know what to think. I'm sure that he and I love each other. Could he be that broken? Should I just leave him alone?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (9 September 2012):
 My guess is that he is embarrassed about his lack of ability to have sex. Whether it is intimacy problems or physical (he can't achieve an erection) he feels that will let you down in a major part of a relationship. Most guys have a very strong self-value about satisfying their women and when they fail in this department, their ego takes a huge hit.
I am not sure there is anything you can to do repair this. He will always feel like you are settling (and in a way you would be, since your sex life would be less than satisfying). If you do decide to pursue this relationship, he will require a lot of encouragement, a lot of patience, and possibly a trip to a therapist or urologists office to determine if there is any help that they can give him.
Good luck
A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 It is clear to see that he has been through a lot well you both have. He's been married previously and obviously lost a wife and you've lost a husband.
The reason why he's probably feeling like this about sex is because this is a very intimate act of love and don't forget your husband was his best friend, he probably feels that him being with you even though he loves you that he is betraying his wife and his best friend.
It'll take him time of course for him to realise it's ok for him to do this as i'm sure his best friend wouldn't want to see you with anyone else and that his late wife would want him to move on with someone she knows can care for him as much as she did.
He's obviously still struggling to deal with this if you are willing to wait for him then wait for him he'll sort it out just try talking to him about your husband try and make him feel more comfortable about it and maybe it'll bring him out a bit more maybe he'll feel more comfortable with you and the idea. I'm not saying it will change anything but he probably feels he's cheating on his wife with his best friends wife and those are very strong feelings whether they aren't around he probably still feels that they are and that what he's doing is a betrayal and wrong, but he will sort it out as i say talk to him about it and find out if this is what's bothering him it may do him some good to talk about it and i think you telling him you're willing to wait for him to be comfortable and sort things out will make him relax more provided you are willing to wait for him to be ok and figure things out.
I do think he cares a lot about you and you've obviously got stuff in common with losing someone you've loved and both your best friends but you can use this to make him feel more relaxed and comfortable.
I wish you all the luck in the world!
Please let me know how you get on if you need to talk anymore don't hesitate to message me All the best :) x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 September 2012):
 It's called erectile dysfunction. If you are happy with a platonic relationship then you are meant to be, but that only means his love for you would exclude passion. Whether the problem is psychological or physical, it is still erectile dysfunction. At this point you can't tell him to take Viagra. He still hopes that he can will his willy to work before resorting to the humiliation of going to doctors about it.
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