A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok i was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years, and for a year of that was long distance and we were having major issues in our relationship stupidly i got drunk one night and cried on the shoulder of a friend and we ended up having sex. The next day i was sick with guilt as i loved my boyfriend dearly i couldn't bring myself to tell him as i knew he would finish the relationship and i just longed for us to resolve everything bad in our relationship and get back on track.We split a year later due to alot of problems and we've now been split for about 10months we still live in different countries however speak everyday and are trying to make things better between us. Things were starting to look really good for us and we started visiting each other again and were like love sick teenagers again. So i told him about this stupid one night mistake i made a year and a half ago because i felt i had too now ..... As you can imagine it didn't go down very well. He says he cant forgive me because i had sex with someone else while we were together and it happened when we were both really struggling in our relationship.Trouble is i don't know what to do i need him to understand it was a mistake and i never meant to hurt him. I know i have to give him time but if he never forgives me then thats something i have to consider.We all make mistakes for different reasons, but how do i cope with this what can i do and tell him???? I want us to work out and dont want anyone but him please help ...
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male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 I believe you should point out to him that you decided to tell him. Its not like he found out from someone else. The fact that you told him shows that your genuine and sorry about it. He should forgive you if he really wants to be with you otherwise you should tell him that you have doubts about the relationship because maybe he is not forgiving you for other reasons. (sometimes people carry on grudges for other reasons). However it is natural that he is angry about it but he should still forgive you in my opinion.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008):
Men find it almost impossible to forgive women sleeping with other men.
The reason for this is an evolutionary one, if a woman cheats on her mate, he may unwittingly end up using his resources to nurture offspring that is not his, ie, somebody else's genes.
I'm sorry I don't have better news for you, but that's just the way it is. He'd have to have practically no self esteem to get back with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Hindsight is a great thing! Your first thoughts on the matter were probably the best - to not tell him what happened. It is hard for anyone to look at the situation reationaly when they feel hurt and betrayed. You can only hope he can see past it. All you can do is assure him it was a mistake you greatly regret and that it would never happen again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Being drunk is an excuse for nothing. You let another man inside of you, and it wasn't even a stranger it was another person you maintained a close relationship with. You seak sympathy but there is no excuse for what you've done, and no possible correction for it. You fucked up big time, now live with it, and maybe next time you're drunk and miserable you can keep your legs closed.
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