A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:well my boy friend an i been togather for one month now an fron the time we net we been haveing sex every day an he never come not one time for the hold month we been have ing sex befor to be togather i have not had sex for tree years an he did have sex for tree years cours i was married an he were weating for now i am not married any more an we are togather he can not com i think he along time for me is there any thing we could for this i am not going to leave him for this i love him very much so can you help me Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): You got some very good advice from Tisha and yes, Tisha, a hand can feel much tighter than a vagina, as the pressure can be varied to whatever feels best to the guy. However, it is not nearly as good as the real thing for most guys.
You don't say if you are using a condom. From my own experience, they can really lower the sensitivity for the guy and make it difficult to orgasm. I'm not suggesting that you not use one. I'm just stating a possible reason.
Does he masturbate and can he orgasm with masturbation? If he does, and especially if he does it every day, ask him to stop for a couple of weeks and to just have sex with you. I have read a couple of posts on other forums where a guy who has just masturbated for a long time has trouble getting enough sensitivity when with a woman, as he is used to the greater tightness of his hand.
You also said something else that confused me. You said, "i have not had sex for tree years an he did have sex for tree years cours i was married an he were weating" I assume that you meant that you had sex for 3 years and that he has not had sex for that time. Is that correct?
I, by the way, do see a problem if he can't orgasm. If both partners cannot enjoy the sex then the sexual relationship is not going to be as good as it should be. Now this makes me think of something else. Does he not orgasm at all or does he have an orgasm, but just not ejaculate any semen? If that is the case then it is a medical problem. I think Tisha and I both are assuming that he doesn't orgasm either. In either case, seeing a doctor about this is what he should do, as we can't possibly really know the reason and can just suggest some of the many possibilities.
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Are you trying to have chilldren, if you dont want kids and he can still get hard and perform i dont see any problem if he cant ejaculate it means you wont get pregnant, but he should see a doctor becuse there could be a medical problem
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Hi, I'm sorry that your sex life is suffering; this must be upsetting for both of you.
I think the very first thing for him to do is to see his doctor. There may be a simple reason for this problem and it would safer for him to be checked out first, before you try anything else.
Then I would ask him if he had had trouble before he was with you, if anything had changed in that time. Can he reach orgasm by himself? With masturbation?
If he can, then maybe he needs to get used to being with you and perhaps he shouldn't masturbate for the time being. Hand and vagina can feel different on a penis, I understand.
If he hasn't been able to orgasm at all, then it is either physical or psychological. So the doctor to check out the physical and then decide how you might want to handle getting the psychological examination that will help him figure out what it is that's keeping him from reaching orgasm.
If he smokes, he should quit. If he drinks to excess, he should quit. Make sure his blood pressure is in the healthy range and that he's taking good care of his body. If he is taking any medications, see if they are causing this. Make sure he gets screened for diabetes, prostate problems, cancer and neurovascular conditionss.
Is the condom the right size? Perhaps that needs to be changed. Have you tried different positions? Play around with that, maybe there'll be one that gives a different kind of stimulation for him.
If all that is clear, think about what psychological barriers there might be. Does he suffer from self-esteem issues? Does he not trust the relationship yet? That you may need professional help with as well.
Try not to take this personally and don't judge or show disappointment if you can at all help it. He doesn'tWANT this, I'm sure. So keep being that loving girlfriend and work together for the solution.
Good luck!
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