A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Um, I think I might need some assistance regarding a 'relationship, or lack there of. There's this guy, let's just call him 'A'. He is my ex boyfriend (though I don't even consider him that, as we only dated for a month) and one of my best friends.When we first met (we met through an art website, he was very popular on it and I was a fan of his), he was so sweet and polite to me, it was almost shocking, as I had never been treated so well before. He complimented me a lot, always sought me out on Skype, texted me 'good morning' and 'good night' and always called me 'hunny' or 'sweetie'. I began to like him, I began to like him a lot and he told me that he liked me too. After a while, we decided that we would take a chance and date, despite the fact that he wanted to ask me out face to face. He admitted that he was scared, as he never dated someone so far away before, but he felt that it was worth it, that I was worth it. So, we began to date, and I finally saved up enough money to go see him, as my parents refused to let him visit me. I had found out through a mutual friend that he wanted to take me on this surprise date, and had been planning it for months. I was so excited, though also nervous about the fact that this was an online meeting. But, we met...and I just felt right. My heart jumped, I couldn't help but smile and I just felt so happy. He was so gentle with me, he stroked my hair as I laid my head in his lap (I was tired from the trip) and even slept beside me on the first night, introduced me to his parents and held me a few times when I felt overwhelmed..."It's okay hunny, it'll be okay. I know it's a lot to handle...it's a lot for me too."The next day, I hung out with him and his friends, and he didn't really like that I was talking to them a lot. He seemed jealous really, and I would notice him glancing towards the three of us and glaring at them. I didn't pay any mind to it, and just smiled and continued....He broke up with me later that night. I was completely shocked, jaw dropped really. I didn't understand what had happened! He just...dumped me. Without a reason or an explanation. He attempted to rush me to a bus to send me home the very next day, but his friends defended me and picked me up at the bus stop. When he found out...he showed up at the friend's house (I was staying there) and he began yelling at the friend, almost pissed that they were even near me. I began to cry, and he automatically stopped and began to apologize towards me. I felt him staring at me for a long time, and he just left....That was two years ago. We've grown closer over those two years but he tends to tease me a great deal. Those kind things he used to say are rather rare, and he doesn't compliment me much. But, he calls me so much more then he used to, texts me a great deal, and gets irritated when other boys come up to me and flirt with me (despite him saying: "You should keep dating, hook up with people and gain experience!", he later pulls a 180 and gets flat out blunt and cold when he finds out someone is interested in me/I am interested in someone. I ask why, and he won't give me a clear answer.)I had left one of my rings at his house during the night that he broke up with me, I had taken it off to wash my face before bed. Awhile back when I was on a video call with him, I saw the ring on his finger. I asked if that was my ring, and he blushed and replied: "Yeah....it is..." A couple of times, that kind and gentle side would come back out and I would hear it. I wasn't teased, I won't be made fun of...I just get this gentle sounding person who admits that they feel...funny around me. He has dated others during the two years, but they each ended in failures. At one point during a video call, I asked why. He looked embarrassed and answered: "Because every time I try, I feel like I'm cheating on you.""....But we're not dating. I may still like you, but you can date who you want.""It's not because of you...it's because when I date someone or hook up with them, you automatically pop in my head."Later on, he denies that he says it and covers it up through teasing. We've talked about marriage, us living together, and he's been completely serious about it. He can't call me his 'friend', he calls me his 'thingy', which he tends to blush over. After awhile, he does the same thing and covers it up through teasing or telling suspicious friends (we're always asked about our relationship): "I don't like her like that/my friendly feelings overweigh romantic ones/I rather date so and so", especially during those times when he just becomes annoyed at everything I do, even snapping at me a few times. Meanwhile, this is the same person who has planned to take me on several dates over the years (they didn't work out because of my traveling issues), has bought me this beautiful necklace for christmas (a tear drop shaped topaz pendant that was around 200 bucks)as well as a hand woven charm bracelet (he kept blushing when he mailed them to me, mumbling that it was nothing special), he has sang to me several times (something he doesn't do at all...I'm one of the only people who has heard him sing), calls me all the time at anime conventions and parties (to the point where his friends are pissed at him about it)...and he has also flat out told a best friend of his that he "emotionally belongs to me" and that he considers me his "girlfriend" or "future fiance". This friend knows him better then anyone, and when I asked if he really did mean it, he said: "(my name), everyone here knows how he feels about you. He keeps denying it out of some fear or something. I know he keeps hurting you, but I don't think he means it."He has also told this best friend several times that his other ex's never meant a thing to him, he didn't blink when he broke up with them...but hated himself over what he had did to me. That he felt guilty for putting me through all of that, and that he was shocked that I had traveled all that way to see him (He admitted to me later on that he was scared to death for me when I was traveling, he refused to leave his house until I got there).So, I figured that I would ask you guys, see what you have to say. :); I'm not willing to let him go, but I will give him space. I'm usually good when it comes to intuition...and I feel something good about this, I just truly want to make sure. And I promise that I'm being careful, I won't rush into anything until I'm completely sure. I'll leave you guys with something that he said to me when he was half asleep, and I had called him crying because I fell asleep on him:"Okay, you're going to listen to me and you're going to listen good because I'm not hanging up until you do. You're overly emotional, completely paranoid and it drives me crazy when you freak over every little thing....but, I...you're also so kind hearted and caring, you understand others deeper then I ever could....you can sing so well, you can paint, you have this adorable connection with animals...and you're pretty. God...God, you're so pretty, you don't know how pretty you are. I get annoyed, yeah...but you mean the fucking world to me, it means the absolute world to me when that sweet and genuine smile is on your face. I feel warm...every time you smile. So please, please just stop crying...I hate when you cry."He later came back online and stayed up the rest of the night with me.
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best friend, broke up, christmas, fiance, flirt, jealous, money, my ex, teasing, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): :) Thank you so much for the answers so far. From what I know, my..."friend" suffers from an inferiority complex, or that he such a low self esteem that he just feels below most people. From what I can guess, that's why he gets so jealous of me being with other people, even though he's the one who suggests it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Hi, you should tell him how you feel about him and would like to give this relationship a chance. However you should also tell him that you would understand if he does not feel the same way but you will have to cease all commuincation as its not healthy and it does not allow either one of yourll to move on.
You need to be strong and go with what ever happens as you cannot put life on hold indefinately and you cannot really move on with someone if you holding onto some hope to unite with this guy.
He needs to be man enough to give this relationship a go or let you go completely, as he cannot continue to hide behind the frienship veil.
It will be hard to part with a "friend" but its time to be open or move on
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A
female
reader, marypoppin  +, writes (21 January 2013):
wow! looks like he's really into you but he's afraid of being in a relationship. since you have a good connection with him, and have issues getting to talk, i suggest you try to find out why exactly he feels the way he is feeling. also, try to figure out why he broke it off in the first place. maybe he's just afraid cause its long distance or he thinks he has no chance of getting you to be his girl. have a serious talk, preferably face to face rather than over skype. good luck and let me know how it goes!
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