A
female
age
51-59,
*ojo40
writes:My ex and i broke up sort of mutually and then i wanted to work it out and he didn't think it was possible...for several weeks i tried (asked him out to dinner and he always accepted and we would talk but it always ended up the same with him not wanting to get back together) and i texted and emailed and tried to stay in touch with excuses to call etc. finally, he said he needed "time and space" and i said "fine" and i successfully have not contacted him at all for 26 days now. I'm proud of that but my question is why hasn't he contacted me????? i thought if i gave him space he would miss me and come chasing me but so far i haven't seen that. i am not tempted to contact him because at this point i am so embarrassed that he seemingly has been able to move on so easily that i don't even know what i would say. i have thought about just texting "hope you are well" but really, what's the point? i mean, why isn't he saying he hopes i am doing well, ya know? and really, do i want to get a "thanks i'm doing well, hope you are too" response (which is what he would probably do)? That might hurt even worse...would love a guys perspective on what he might be thinking. we dated for a year and he came on really strong in the beginnning like i was the most important thing in his life. it scared me a little so i kept him at arm's length then when i came around and trusted him, he got weird and like he needed more independence, etc which made me feel insecure and paranoid so i started becoming more demanding and that's when we broke up. i tried for six weeks to prove i could be less needy and that i was willing to respect his needs of an individual, but he has maintained his position that we are just incompatible and won't even give me a chance...honestly, i don't know if i could get back with him anyway because this major switch in his behavior would cause me much trust issues but it would be nice to have him want me back.
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male
reader, johnyc +, writes (24 March 2009):
I know what you are saying i am a guy and going through the same thing,I know me personally i am not going to contact her because i have more pride then that,if this is meant to be and you gave him his space and time then i think he should reply to you when he is ready.I know I really love my gf and after a few weeks at most i would end up calling her,I feel your pain,but everyone says it gets better with time,if it is meant to be and you have already tried to contact him,then he has to be the one to make the move.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): thank you everyone for the encouragement and advice...he is definitely alot "cooler" than i ever realized...amazing to me that he can go from every day to ZILCH...to me 26 days is an eternity but i have had friends say it's not really that long so i have to realize it's all relative to the person. he said he altered himself too much to try to make it work and now regrets it because he misled me...for example he thinks i am too social and while we were together he willingly went with me to many events and now claims he never wanted to and didn't enjoy himself (honestly i could kind of tell he wasnt really comfortable but i guess i really didn't want to see it so i didn't address it) and he doesn't want me to change who i am for him. but since we've been apart i've realized all the going out etc doesn't mean much to me relative to how much i miss him. at the same time (and this is where i'm REALLY confused)i am starting to have these thoughts and feelings like maybe i was only in love with this fake person he presented himself to be (like wanting to do whatever i wanted to do, when actually he didn't) and maybe he's right it really wouldn't work. i mean afterall he knows himself and he knows me and this is what he seems to believe...i have been at a disadvantage because he was being a "pleaser" instead of himself...regardless - i am in pain and miss him like crazy and on top of that, it makes me feel like maybe there is something wrong with me if he doesn't want me back because when he was coming on so strong it made me feel so worthy and good about myself and desired etc...i know i should feel good about myself and i do relative to work and the kind of mother i am but as far as being desired by a man....this is really JACKING with me!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Don't beat yourself up, you let him know what you want, he says he wants to stay broken up and he needed space. He probably is trying to get over you, it doesn't mean he was able to move on all that easily...He probably is seeing some other girls to make himself feel better, that is what men do.
So you probably would be better off doing the same thing. What you might do if you don't hear from him in another couple of weeks, is to try to run into him in person, and dress feminine and look happy and just see how things go. You could say something bold and shocking like "you know, if you aren't careful you are going to loose me forever", and then get up and walk out.....he will be shocked and taken aback at your attitude and who knows he may realize that it is true and start calling you again.
Short of that I don't know what you can really do. Do you really want him back? You must have broken up for a reason....I know how hard it is though if you still love him to let go.
Time will tell.
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A
male
reader, digger11  +, writes (23 March 2009):
go on with your life, maybe meet a new guy, keep busy to get your mind off him. The funny thing is when you probably do move on, forget about him and start dating other guys he will call.
that's just how the cookie crumbles
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (23 March 2009):
 He told you he wants space give it to him. 26 days is NOT space! you are coming on way to strong and are acting clingy- men don't like this. Let HIM want to see you and contact you
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A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
Clearly, you are too nice for this fella.
You sound like a "full-on" kinda girl, but he sounds a little too emotionally cool for you.
Get yourself a passionate boyfriend and enjoy the sizzle!
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