A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf of 2 years were broken up for around 9 months. He broke up with me. DUring that time, things were very dramatic between us. He would get very jealous at any new guy I meet. A couple times we got into heated arguments and he would text me threat messages. Another time, I was in his car, and we got into another argument.. and he ended up slapping my thigh very hard.Since then we have gotten back together. He still calls me mean things like a slut and a whore. I dont think he actually means it when he says these things, but it still hurts.Is this an abusive relationship? Or am I just too sensitive?
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 I would leave this NASTY, INSENSITIVE BULLY and get a court injunction against him as he is mentally and physically intimidating you in the worst possible form period.
Why did you go back to him if he treats you this way, did he bully you into going back to him?
If you stay with him, he is likely to get worse where slaps will become punches. Do you want to be a battered wife? Show courage and walk out of his life forever.
Take care Hun Dusky xxx.
A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (6 March 2008):
Yes honey this is an abusive relationship. There are many forms of domestic violence. PHYSICAL hitting, punching, biting,scratching,pinching, pushing, strangulation throwing things or throwing you. EMOTIONAL name calling etc, slut whore hag nag bitch stupid hopeless dumb fat the list goes on.
SOCIAL preventing you from seeing your friends, checking up on your whereabouts, accusing you of being with other guys, reading emails, texts. Monitoring your whereabouts, calling you from his work to make sure you are home and not out. Making your friends and family unwelcome. SPIRITUAL not letting you practise your faith admonishing you for not having his faith. FINANCIAL not letting you spend your money how you want, taking control of your keycard ie knowing the pin, withdrawing money from your account making you account for every cent spent. SEXUAL making you do unwanted acts, forcing sex on you, making you dress provocatively or in a way that objectifies you. When a guy hits you he is doing so because he wants to control you and he feels ENTITLED TO. I personally would get out as you are in the cycle of violence. It is a one month cycle. INTIMIDATION, EXPLOSION,SORRY PHASE,BUY BACK PHASE,HONEYMOON PHASE AND BACK TO INTIMIDATION. Intimidation is where you feel the tension build and you feel like walking on egg shells and he finds fault with what you do. Explosion he suddenly becomes verbally,physically abusive and exerts his full power and control. Unfortunately this is their true self coming out. They then move to the sorry phase and may say sorry but still make you feel guilty for their behaviour. Then he tries to buy you back with all sorts of bullshit promises to change, he might be more affectionate and even let you have some control over your life without too much hassle or oposition. Then the honeymoon begins life is sweet, the grass is green and he behaves so wonderfully well that you think that it is all in your head and that you have a really good relationship and things are great and you actually start to feel like you are getting somewhere. AT LEAST THATS WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK CAUSE BANG BACK TO INTIMIDATION. Bingo you are like a hamster on a wheel. Tell yourself and remind yourself that you are a beautiful woman worthy of love and respect and you have the right to be free of abuse and fear. Take care and work out a safety plan to leave him.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 March 2008):
 It certainly sounds to me like the beginnings of an abusive relationship. Why does he call you slut and whore? He seems very insecure in himself hence the reason for this control over you. NOT a good match!!!!
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, pinksuze +, writes (6 March 2008):
No you are not being too sensitive, this is an abusive relationship and you should get out of it straight away. Even without the physical assault on you this relationship was abusive, and the fact that he has used physical violence on you makes it all the more worrying. I understand the emotional reasoning of people in abusive relationships - thinking but I love him and he loves me but this is NOT love. Love is never abusive. Leaving an abusive relationship is an extremely difficult thing to do because, as you have discovered, the abuse starts long before the physical violence does and this erodes your self-confidence. But you can do it, and leaving him will help to restore some of the confidence he has chipped away at. Take a step back, and ask yourself whether if you had been told before you met him that you were going to meet somebody who would end up physically assaulting you, you would have accepted his offer of the very first date? Of course, the answer to that would be no because nobody wants to be in a relationship with somebody who hits them and makes them feel bad. If you need support to help you leave him, get in touch with your local women's aid who will be very pleased to help you in any way they can. But please leave him, because it won't get better, it will get worse
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (6 March 2008):
This IS an abusive relationship.
Please take a look at this website, "When Love Hurts":
http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/
I found it very helpful when I was in an abusive relationship and it gave me the strengtrh to end the relationship.
What your bf is doing is 100% wrong. He is not showing respect and you deserve respect, nothing less.
You ARE NOT to senstivie. I know often abusers will try to blame their partner by saying things like 'you are over reacting'...but it is NEVER your fault. No matter what you say or do, nothing can justify him abusing you. No 1 deserves it, and no1 has the right to do that to you. NO ONE!
I really hope you can realise this is abuse and leave the relationship. Dont fool yourself into thinking he will change because the reality is he cant change unless, 1. he realises he is an abuser. 2. he wants to change. 3. he seeks PROFESSIONAL help. No matter how much he may love you and how much you may love him, that isnt enough to stop someone from being abusive.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (6 March 2008):
 HEY!!
He is being verbally and physically abusive towards you. Get out of the relationship, if you can.
HOPE YOU ARE OKAY! Feel free to mail me at any time x x x
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