A
female
age
41-50,
*neping
writes:Ok, I've been trying to relax and deal with this alone, but I think I need an outside perspective.When my fiance and I were still just friends, he used to talk all the time about his ex. He'd been with her for 3 years, and they had only broken up because he was transferred out here. She moved on pretty quickly, she already had a serius boyfriend by the time he and I started talking a year later. Strill, he would tell me how much he missed her, and how he had hoped they could get back together once he moved back to the East Coast.We have been together for a year and a half now, and he has decided not to move back to the east coast at all. We are getting married next summer, and everything is beautiful. He has never given me the slightest indication that he would ever hurt me, and he tells me I'm everything to him. We are, essentially, inseparable.But he still calls her. Once every couple of months, he calls her to see how she's doing. Now, I'm still friends with some of my exes, I can understand being friends. But she never calls him or makes any attempt to contact him at all. It's totally one-sided. I ask him why he calls her, what it is he still needs from her - he just keeps repeating, "She's a friend. I don't want to break contact with a friend." But... she's NOT a friend. I don't get it.Before anyone says "She's an ex for a reason," let me reiterate that the "reason" was not his choice. If she had never broken it off, they would still be together they say, long-distance or not.It's not that I worry he'll cheat on me, or that he actively, consciously wants her back. And it's only once every couple of months.But I have big-time trust issues, and the idea of committing myself to someone who isn't totally there with me is... terrifying. I can't help but wonder, what does he need from her?
View related questions:
fiance, get back together, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 You wanted an outside voice so here's my two cents on the issue:
I can imagine that maybe your guy feels nostalgic about his last relationship and doesn't want to close the door to the past completely (sometimes I wish I could call up people from my past just to find out how they're doing). And when I say nostalgic I mean it in the way that someone might feel nostalgic about the 80's. It was cool and nice when it lasted, but you really don't want it back.
I can understand that it might make you feel strange, but just like you, I'm convinced that your boyfriend has no intentions to ever get back with her.
In conclusion: Your guy calls his ex once every couple of months. If he was calling her once a week, it would be a different matter, but for now, don't feel bad about it and enjoy the fantastic relationship that you have.
If it really bothers you, then you can calmly tell your boyfriend so, but I think you will have a hard time making a case since you're still friends with some of your exes.
|
