A
male
age
36-40,
*eedhelp877
writes:hello everyone..I have been dating this girl from last 8 months. We started slow and fell in love and kinda lived together for couple of months. Everything was great, but now i found out there were many thing she lied about, so i need some help to decide...there was a guy friend of hers. She moved in the same apt complex by herself as his but that time we were just dating for a month, so it doesn't matter too much. but she gave her key to her apartment, use to buy her foods and she alwz told he takes care of my dog when i am not here so that's why i do all those things for him...she even use to hang out and go grocery shopping with him. She gave her mattress free (She had a spare one), she use to give her car to him when he needed and even money and always told he is her very good friend, she knows this guy for last 10 months...I was totally ok, he was very cool guy but everyone knew he is a player, he use to have sex with girls and dump them. My girlfriend even helped him to hook up with a married girl by sending her message on face book.one night she told me she dated this guy for one day before she dated me, but it didn't worked out and he said she is like her sister...so things came out now that when i asked her what actually happened, we almost broke up because of him and she told before she dated me she had sex with him once ...and she had a crush on him...and she told since i had told her i don't care about her past she didn't think it would bother me.she denies that she had cheated on me with him...sometime when i use to be at her apartment he use to sit next to her without a shirt but blinds were open...and since i moved to a different state he still comes to her house and she lives alone in the apt. when i got mad she never told me and still kept him around she told she will do anything for me and he never meant anything...so i asked her can you call him and say him that not to call her anymore, she did in front of me..so the question is what should i do? I really feel embarrassed as i use to hang out with her and that guy and now when i look back, it sucks to know he had already banged her and I never knew...she told me she is sorry to hurt me and she will do anything for me...but i just can't get over the feeling of hurt and i feel betrayed. I told her i don't care about her past thinking she will take a wise decision, and at least respect me...i think i don't deserve that after all how i treated her and always been honest with her...Please help me, what should i do? should i trust her again and give her one more chance or just move on as she has been caught lying multiple things of some serious thing..i have forgiven her before...but this feeling of betrayal is inside me. I think when i was with both and still things were going back behind me..i don't know..please help me..
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broke up, cheated on me, crush, fell in love, her past, money, move on, moved in, player Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): She is showing a pattern of saying whatever gets her in the least trouble instead of the truth. Look out for trouble ahead.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 April 2011):
 I don't drink but 2 shots 2 beer sounds like a lot to me. The definition of a soul mate is someone you can share your all to, have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed about. To be comfortable with each other you need to adjust your lifestyles but here the one that has to change is her because she is doing things that are harming the relationship. For me it's not unreasonable to just ask her to quit drinking and partying. If she perceives you to be a boring guy then you can do all the kinky stuff in the bedroom, but just you and her though. Don't chastize her for lying, rather, tell her that lying gives one an unease and tense feeling. Rather than focusing on her mistakes, tell her what you like in a woman. For example, you like someone who's ladylike. She might be interested to assume a new role in her life.
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A
male
reader, needhelp877 +, writes (1 April 2011):
needhelp877 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you guys, I don't think I can prove she cheated on me, all i can do is take her word. Feeling i have is disrespected that she didn't cared about how would i feel if i ever knew the guy who is around her has already slept with her...there was one more incident , one time he had asked her to come at the bar and she asked me ..and i said okie..and when i asked her how much she had to drink she told she only had 1 beer , but she was lil buzzed but after weeks again when she was talking about the bar , she mistakely told me the truth that she had 2 shot and 2 beer..and when i asked her why she lied to me she told she wanted her to portray herself perfect so that i won't stop loving her...and the guy came at her house around 10 (I was on phone with her) and asked her if she can give his friend a ride as he is too drunk to drive , she asked me again and he was jus right in front of her and i said okie..and they drove two cars and dropped his friend and they both came back on her car and she called me after 45 min ...i really don't know which part is bothering me..she says nth happened..she pretended she forgot she had sex with him once and just acting normal...and he is just her good friend..i can move on knowing i will be hurt for few months, but i don know if i should trust her again..she says she really loves me and wants to marry me and she was being stupid by doing those things to me..and she is willing to move to my state next semester..confused..on what should i do..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 April 2011):
The part about her suggesting the guy to have a fling with the married woman is worrisome, and not so much that she had slept with him once. Hopefully she grew up and knew it's not a good idea to just treat sex that casually, and also to care about other people's feelings.
You and her obviously have different attitudes towards sex and relationship. A relationship is about compromise and meeting in the middle, and not about who's right who's wrong. You suspect that they had cheated but you had no proof. I suggest you to just leave it and not dig deeper into it. She already agreed to cut contact from the guy. If you raise the issue again you would just look insecure. If that's the case then work on being the best lover. Develop player skills, but only apply them to your girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): I think your looking to much into it tbhIts really up to you do what you feel is right if you love her and want to be with her then do so but if you really cant move on and trust her then dont be with her you cant be in a relationship with no trust whats the point?Good luck hope iv helped x
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