A
female
age
30-35,
*atie26
writes:My ex and I are high school sweethearts and each other’s first love. We had been together for a decade and the last 4 years were long distance. I thought he was the guy I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with;unfortunately he ended up cheating on me. we did try to work it out because I believed his love was real and that distance was a reason for the cheating as we met only once a year. But shortly after, he broke up with me saying he was not sure if he loves me and that he is not worthy of my love. I was extremely hurt and let down but fast forward 1.5 years later, I have finally moved onto a new relationship with a guy who is loving,treats me right,is faithful and makes me work hard in life. But within the past 1.5 years, my ex has contacted me several times saying he regrets leaving me and that he could never replace what he lost. But I was never convinced that he ll put me above other woman because couldn’t tell firmly if I was the one he loves or wants. Made me wonder if he was lonely or too guilt ridden to move on.. But I cannot lie, I think about my ex everyday and I don’t think I’ll never truly get over him.. I want him to be happy and the fact that he is stuck in the past even after 2 years, being unhappy saddens me. I can’t stop wondering if my ex is the one. I know it might be impossible to return to what we once had especially living in different countries. Further our mind tends to bias towards the positives of a relationship creating a false sense of perfection. I knew the relationship wasnt perfect but my current relationship is better in its own ways. Yet, the first love and best friends attachment keeps me from forgetting him. Do you think I did the right thing refusing to get back? I feel I’ll never get over him, does that mean I need to go back to him?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (20 May 2018):
 It's sad that he is pursuing you while you're in a relationship where you feel loved and appreciated. I feel that it's within your best interest to steer clear. In fact, I wonder why you're still in contact with him, actually.
I always tell people this;
Our minds work in a similar way with a break up as it does when we bury someone, doesn't it? Our minds automatically turn on the good memories while all of the bad ones take a back seat to all the fairy-tale type of stuff. You must realise one thing; it was NOT a fairy-tale and you need to remember how he hurt and betrayed you. That's not to say that you shouldn't forgive him because you should since forgiveness is less about the person being forgiven and more about the person who is forgiving. It's so that you can be free. Stop only looking at the positives and start focusing on the negatives as well. It may sound like bad advice but my dear, it will help.
I'll just share a story of my ex and myself:
He was really the only guy that I ever loved and we broke up because he was jealous and insecure to the point where he was jeopardizing our relationship based off his own insecurities and anger issues (which I saw as being a potential domestic violence issue in the future) when honestly, nothing was wrong on my end (it was also a long distance relationship and yes it was tough but I only had eyes for him). After we broke up I had blocked him off all of my socials, after he acted very immature, angry and bitter towards the entire situation after saying some very hurtful things. New years eve (2017) he arrived at my home to beg to have me back. It was a full on display to the point where my own family started feeling sorry for him and asked me to take him back. The entire weekend leading into the new year he was begging to have me back and I kept on refusing despite my family's wishes. They did not know the intricate details as I try not to include family members in my relationship drama so they did not know what the actual issues were but obviously I knew why I was hell bent on not returning to him. We eventually had a conversation in which I expressed my dissatisfaction with our relationship and the issues surrounding our break up and I told him (by then he had tears in his eyes and was very emotional) that I no longer wish to fight for a relationship against someone who sees every little thing wrong and actively makes me miserable because of his insecurities and personal issues. I also told him that it was not my duty to fix him and repair all the damage from his past. My final answer was no and I bid him farewell for the last time all while having a lump in my throat and my heart breaking because I still loved him. In fact, I still love him as I'm typing this but I'm no longer in love with him. He had started seeing someone new only about 2-3 months after his display so trust me, he's fine now but guaranteed if I had fallen for his rubbish, I would've been miserable right now... all over again! I'm much happier without him. Love has got nothing to do with it.
You need to reach that point with your ex. These guys only come running back when things don't work out with whoever they tried to replace you with. Once that turns sour, it's back to you. Trust me, once he finds someone else that he feels is worth it; the attention will disappear from you and what you're doing and who you're with, to this new chick and how much he loves her. Leave him to go and find what he wants but don't get sucked into this game. Otherwise you will end up hurting your current boyfriend in the same way that your ex hurt you and since you know how terrible that feels, your aim should not be to continue on with the cycle, especially since the new guy does not deserve this.
Ultimately, you need to turn your ex down and delete his number and also; delete him off every social media account that you have him as a friend/follower on. It isn't healthy and he's right; he doesn't deserve you. Don't make the mistake of giving him the time of day EVER again. You do not owe him any additional chances and you do not owe him pity. I hope that my story has put things into perspective for you because you were NOT put on this earth to FIX him and validate his feelings.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 May 2018):
 Your ex's happiness is not YOUR problem. It is his CHOICE whether he moves on or lingers in the past.
You are in a good healthy relationship now with someone who treats you as you deserve. Do you think you deserve to be messed about and cheated on?
Leave your ex where he is - in the past. You cannot stop having fond memories or fond feelings for him (your relationship was obviously not all bad) but he is your past. Your current boyfriend is your present and, with luck, your future. Don't jeopardize it because you can't let go of the past.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2018):
 You don't find it strange that he is pursuing you now that YOU are in a good and healthy relationship?
The thing is, 1. he cheated and 2. he was UNSURE about his feelings for you after a 10 YEAR relationship.
NOW that he HASN'T been able to find BETTER than you he goes back to the LAST working relationship (you) hoping he can just pick up where HE left it off.
My advice? WISH his well and BLOCK all contact.
YOU are with someone else, it's working well, it's healthy and better in some ways to the old you. SO WHY are you jeopardizing it with digging through the old trash and memories with this ex?
You wouldn't like i your current partner got all nostalgic over an ex, would you?!
It's OK that you remember this ex fondly, that you still have some feelings for you, he was after all a VERY important part of your life in a VERY impressional time of your life! I have VERY fond memories of my first BF too, he will ALWAYS hold a very big soft spot in my heart. Always. But it didn't work out. We were both too immature and honestly not as compatible as we had thought and that really showed 4 1/2 into the relationship.
You will get over him. At some point, IF you want to. But I would suggest to wish him well and CUT all contact.
He will find his own happiness or not. THAT is on him, not you.
Focus on the relationship you have now. Not some blast from the past.
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A
female
reader, Katie26 +, writes (19 May 2018):
Katie26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd please don’t mistake me. I do love my boyfriend, I am extremely happy with him, but there are days when I still cry thinking about the past. I just thought it is because of how much I was hurt after all those years of relationship. But seeing my ex still hold onto the past after 2 years makes me wonder what if it is meant to be.... but I realize, he doesn’t deserve a chance again, he has had plenty & he let me down.
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